(Tyrant) Jokes Thread :D

Please post all funny jokes here. So I can steal them and use them in my non-tyrant dealings and impress people at cocktail parties with my witty sense of humor.

Rules:
Can be Tyrant related or not (a 1:1 ratio would probably avoid being locked).
Not too NSFW
Not too offensive

(There’s an old thread for tyrant jokes, but they’re mostly crappy jokes.)

Saw this thread is not very popular yet so might just start posting myself. ;]

Egor walks into a bar and to the counter to order some refreshing drink.

Tyrant.

once upon a time a greedy guy was dreaming he was drinking coffee in a cafe, and he was so greedy he woke up not to pay it :D

Once upon a time, there was company, who had CCG. And they got so tired inventing new cards and releases, that they decided: “Hm, we can add 1 HP to old card and sell it like a new one! Brilliant!”

Originally posted by Cerealguy:

once upon a time a greedy guy was dreaming he was drinking coffee in a cafe, and he was so greedy he woke up not to pay it :D

that’s a good one lol. (but apparently its against dream rules to eat stuff in dreams)

(and cg is a betrayer.)

This is a retarded one that I love:

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?




















Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?




















Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend…except one.
Which animal does not attend?




















The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?




















You jump in and swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

Reminds me of the “How to put an Elephant in a tree” riddle/joke.

http://natethesnake.com/

Enjoy.

-Why do Elephants paint their fingernails red?
-Why?
-To hide behind the roses. Have you seen any elephants behind a rose?
-No.
-Exactly.

Originally posted by leftylink:

http://natethesnake.com/

Enjoy.

TL;DR

But I did read the last paragraph, and the punchline is only “Better Nate than lever!”
That was a bad joke, and you should feel bad.

Did you hear about the corduroy pillows?

They are making headlines.

Did you hear about the man that was addicted to phone sex?

He got hearing aids.

Did you hear about the sale at the circus?

It was in tents.

Booo! Hiss! Worse jokes ever!

What did Cyrus say to Sawblade before combat?

"Better not to go near that infantry unit. It looks Irritated"

_{Now this one is very old one :D}

A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ‘’Shut up…you’re next!’’

Originally posted by kolalouy:

A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ‘’Shut up…you’re next!’’

Mayumi Reference?

Originally posted by Loop_Stratos:

Originally posted by kolalouy:

A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ‘’Shut up…you’re next!’’

Dunno who mayumi is D:

Mayumi Reference?

Originally posted by kolalouy:

Originally posted by Loop_Stratos:

Originally posted by kolalouy:

A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ‘’Shut up…you’re next!’’

Dunno who mayumi is D:

Mayumi Reference?

http://tyrant.40in.net/card.php?id=1011&q=Mayumi

haha ohh makes sense now :D

Originally posted by inorix:

Saw this thread is not very popular yet so might just start posting myself. ;]

Egor walks into a bar and to the counter to order some refreshing drink.

Ralkk brought the computer down to the basement to let you give LDV a bump? That’s sweet.

+1 ladolcevita

at first it seemed lame, but as i kept reading it got lamer, lame funny, like dilbert

TYRANT V.S. DRUGS

drugs:becomes addictive
tyrant:becomes obsession

drugs: need money to get
tyrant: dont need money to play, but people will pay anyway

drugs: people will intervene cause they care about you
tyrant: your playing cause people dont care about you, with people that dont care about you

drugs: always coming out with harder stuff than what you just had
tyrant: always coming out with harder stuff than what you just had

Why did Megan fall off the swing?
Cuz she has no arms.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Most certainly not Megan.

Ever had food sex?

Well I can’t believe it’s not butter.

A man is out hunting and kills a deer. He brings it home to his family and cooks it, but doesn’t tell his kids what it is. He said “I’ll give you a hint, it’s what your mother calls me.” The youngest son cries out, “It’s a fucking dick, don’t eat it!”

Three men are on vacation in the Pacific, on a remote island. They decide to go for a hike in the forest.

They come across a group of natives, and the native chief walks up to them and says:
“Behold travelers, unless you go out into the forest and each bring us back 10 of a unique fruit, we shall kill you, and eat you.”

All three of the men wander back into the forest in fear of their lives and start to collect fruit. The first man returns with 10 cherries.

The chief tell the man “You must take those 10 cherries and stick them up your ass without laughing or reacting, or we will kill you and eat you.” The man does as he is told and manages to cram up 7 of the cherries before he starts grimacing, so he is killed and stored for later.

The second man returns with 10 apples and is told by the chief “You must take these 10 apples and stick them up your ass without laughing or reacting, or we will kill you and eat you.” The man manages to get 9 of the 10 apples up before he starts laughing hysterically. He is killed and stored for later.

Later, the ghost of the first man and the second man are talking. The first asks the second “You were doing so well, why did you start laughing?”
The second man replies “I saw the third guy coming back with 10 pineapples.”