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These 3 actions are among the top of social intercourse behaviors that are of great importance & benefit.
But, how capable are we at doing them…let alone attaining any mastery of them?
And, how universal is a consensus on just what exactly each of them is?
Without a clearly understood parameter in these areas, we can very often (and deeply?) fall victim to: one man’s steak is an other’s hamburger. One person will continue the relationship build on a misinterpretation of the others intent
It is maintenance of a relationship based on any forms of lack of understanding of who/what the other person is. A poor understanding of their capacity to forgive & forget and be truly sorry for hurt caused can severely inflict damage to a relationship…sometimes to the point of destroying it.
I hope we can discuss a wide variety of forms of the three…sometimes considered to be only 2 since “forgive & forget” are viewed as a single action.
But, to establish a point-of-origin…I offer these definitions:
_1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
2. To renounce anger or resentment against._
Something we shouldn’t forget about “forgive” is to be able to forgive our self.
_a. To banish from one’s thoughts: forget a disgrace.
b. Informal To disregard on purpose. Usually used in the imperative: Oh, forget it. I refuse to go!_
_1. used for telling someone that you are ashamed or unhappy about something that you have done that has hurt or upset them._
_(lesser relationship usage) 2. used in a social situation as a way of asking someone to forgive you for doing something rude, embarrassing etc._
Note: MacMillan offers a wide understanding of the concept of “sorry”….interesting.
The combo of [Forgive & forget](http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/forgive): _to decide not to continue being angry about something that someone has done, and not to allow your memory of it to influence your future relationship._
I fully anticipate great variations of these concepts.
I only offer those that are most familiar to me.
People just need to not take everything, personally. Or side step those emotions of anger that may come from frustrating discussions or situations. Personally, I just try to remove myself from situations that will infuriate or make me act in an irrational or emotionally charged manner. It is difficult, but with enough self-control you can probably avoid most conflicts, and reach that point of forgiveness, or not taking things so personally.
So, it all boils down to how quickly some one can get their emotions under control, and think rationally to forgive whatever grievances that may have occurred in the past or present, and move on.
Forgiveness or moving past anything that may feel offensive is probably best. Acceptance from the other party is also key.
There’s no point in allowing anger or frustration to rule your life, just move on and keep learning.
Life’s too short.
We probably could stop a lot of large scale(worldwide) grievances by just getting our base emotions under control, just saying…
Ooh, a new topic. Thank you Karm.
Personally I left behind forgetting and forgiving as I moved away from Christianity and it’s deification of those values. I am not certain they are positive acts anymore, and try to avoid doing either pretty actively. Everything stands, everything is known, collectively unwilling, undoing, actions seems like mutual deception. It comes down to pattern recognition, of shifting expectations of people based upon their action. A slight need not be damning, and should remain in perspective, but I don’t see the inclination towards negating it’s value or importance.
Our glorification of forgiveness I dare say borders upon self abasement, upon the idea of renouncing agency and allowing ourselves comfort in our roles as victim or perpetrator in turn. It is to excuse our choices to ourselves and others.
As for forgetting, it seems to me the proof of forgiveness. In forgiving an event you negate its value, in forgetting it you show that it is nothing at all. Not that I feel we’re really saying that event can not be recalled, that it is literally forgotten, but merely disregarded, no longer influencing things.
> A poor understanding of their capacity to forgive & forget and be truly sorry for hurt caused can severely inflict damage to a relationship…sometimes to the point of destroying it.
And what of the opposite proposition though? I would say too much forgiveness, too much forgetting, and too much apology can be just as damaging to a relationship, if not an individual.
The best vengeance against ones enemies and slights is to have them do you some good. Holding onto anger and emotional attachments can be poisonous but I do not feel that forgiveness is the only method of reconciling that.
Amor Fati and all that.