relasionship truble

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ive bean with my gf 4 1 year n 6month, at 1st all was great, but latly things have been going down hill. theres a few things i would like to talk to her about, but she real sensitive so i realy need to watch how i talk to her about things. and i realy dont want to leave her, as i probly wont find someone like her again 4 a good while espesly at the age i am and due to other problms that am going thrugh which she understands is surportive of. i know the problimes can be fixed if spoken about if done right.

i need real serious answers please, if you need me to go in more detail in to what the problimes i an do if it would help yous to what to say.

many thanks doom

 
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Well you just have to talk to her and talk about the things that are going down hill. How old are you? If you are young you still have plenty of time to find another person. But if you don’t want to lose her tell her you don’t want to lose her. Talk about the things that you each don’t like about each other and fix them. Relationships take work. If couples aren’t willing to work on the flaws the 2 should not be together. Just work on it and talk. That’s the best thing to do.

 
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Your problem can be solved by finding a new girlfriend.

 
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Originally posted by doomteen17:
i need real serious answers please,….. if you need me to go in more detail in to what the problimes i an do if it would help yous to what to say.

Actually, YES…I certainly do need much more information if I am to give you anything remotely resembling a “serious answer”.

 
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If you have been with someone over eighteen months, then it can be assumed you love each other enough, to be willing to at least work problems through. As others have said, in order to offer advice, we have to have detail as to what the problems are.

 
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ok for the past few month things have been overly repetive and the eliminte of surprise has gone, and all we have done is hug an watch dvds with i dot mind, i just feel the spark of energy we had is gone and would realy like things to pick up again, and if i say the wrong things she will just get up set with me and i may loss her which i dont want as am at the age where i want to have some1 and to move in together. i just wish i wa geting more out of the relisonship as i put in a ot of effort and time to make her fell loved and spesile to me and she doe not do that all that often i be lucky if se try n do that for me 3 time a month.

if i was younger then would think of finding someone else but being in my 20s doest help a i realy jut want to have some1 by my side and to live with n near futsure + havn health trubble doest help in she looks after me real wellb on that part, and if i do losse her i dout i be able to find some1 to put that a side and love me 4 me and to care 4 me,

again sory for the terible speling

to put thing short i want less of night of just dvd hugs n kiss n more fun and have that spark of energy back

 
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i want less of night of just dvd hugs n kiss n more fun

Have you considered taking her out for a meal/ drink/ dance/ film/ concert/ theatre/ walk in the park/ dirty weekend in a decadent hotel? It sounds like you’re not making much of an effort to entertain her and liven things up a bit.

 
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i do try but all she says watch dvd, and i do drop in a few hints here and thir but get nothing, i give her loads of surpise body rubs, like her back and legs ect but hardly get any back, i have to ask 4 1 even them i do fell like if shes outing much love in to it

 
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Then I’m rather inclined to agree with Helltank. If she always prefers watching a DVD to going out then either she finds you boring or she’s a film nut and will bore you to death sooner or later. Been there, seen it, done that.

Find someone more suitable. Being in your twenties is not a problem. I’m in my sixties and I’m chasing a lady right now. You never get too old to enjoy the company of a good woman.

 
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its only been in pastt few month when things have gone down hill, and at times when i say theres thinhgs i like to tlk about to that are on my mind she often says dont want to hear it.

when i always listing to her about her problims

 
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It sounds as if she has lost interest in you. It happens. Do yourself a favour and walk away. When it comes to a love relationship you have to be ruthless and selfish, otherwise you will end up being miserable for years.

 
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i know she still loves ,e on the pronbles that we have are fixible just not sure on how to talk to her about them,

i am strongly thinkn about saying to her we need to see a profesnal and get help from them , thats if talking her my self deos help or she deos not listin. + we have a big trip away n octuber, in am thinkn about ending it after that if things are still the same.

as a few month ago when thing were geting stronger all the time i was thinkn about ask mine n her parrnts if i could maray her, but with things the way they are am not going to,

but leving her and seeing a prof is things i would rather avoid if posible

 
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Originally posted by doomteen17:

ive bean with my gf 4 1 year n 6month, at 1st all was great, but latly things have been going down hill.

Not all that long. Relationships, “serious” or not, tend to run their course and either then die or grow; and, a yr & ½ isn’t at all unusual for there to begin to see some marked changes in the more serious ones.

There is a huge difference between FALLING in love and BEING in love.
Falling in love produces some “brain chemicals” that make one feel quite differently than “normal”.

As the relationship evolves, this fades and the BEING in love supplants it w/ the “reality” of what will either sustain the relationship or show there just isn’t enough to sustain it….let alone have it grow.

Some ppl are “junkies” for that feel-good of falling in love. They bounce from one relationship to the next as the “new” wears off. Typically, they don’t understand why. They tend to focus on the many “irritating little things” that all serious relationships have and are able to solve, adjust, compromise, adept….because there is enough there in the relationship of real substance that makes it worth the effort.

The popular concept for this is: you have to WORK on a relationship for it to be successful. Here are some links that might help ya.
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theres a few things i would like to talk to her about, but she real sensitive so i realy need to watch how i talk to her about things.
REDFLAG.
Or, at the every least, a pink one.
This issue you are having w/ her is where that “work” comes in.
Others here at SD have suggested seeking professional help to help guide you in this endeavor. This doesn’t need to be a psychologist. It can be a clergyperson. It can be most anyone that the two of you respect, trust, and think can give you insight on what your problems are & how to work on them.

Often, just like a disease, there isn’t a “cure” for some relationship problems….just a “comfortable” means of MANAGING them. NO true love is 100% compatible. The areas of “disharmony” can be small or large…which establishes the degree of work necessary.

The easiest way to handle the small ones is to just NOT GO THERE…avoid them…don’t “gunny sack” them & throw that in their face when having an “argument”…i.e. working on the relationship. Focus on the good parts of your relationship….find new areas of high compatibility that will leave no time/means for the small things to “surface”.

If the relationship can’t do this, it likely won’t grow…nor, survive. And, why should it?
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… and i realy dont want to leave her, as i probly wont find someone like her again 4 a good while espesly at the age i am
Settle for less…eh?
less than what truly (true love?) will make a relationship for YOU?
If you aren’t willing to look “any farther” for a good relationship…then ACCEPT THE FACT that a settling is the level of “work” you are willing to put forth for a relationship. Anything worth calling great isn’t free and easy.

Lowered expectations…
in some ways, this is also a natural event due to OVERLY/naively thinking about what a relationship is.

It is called: welcome to reality.
Just maybe YOU don’t have the “qualities” that are what someone you are looking for is, themselves, looking for in a relationship for them. A silk purse can’t be make from a sow’s ear. (but a quite nice one can be made from a bull scrotum)
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…and due to other problms that am going thrugh which she understands is surportive of.
Hey now, this is something that is a huge plus for a good relationship. Sure, it isn’t “glamorous”. But, SUPPORT, in its many forms, is one of the things that is the bedrock of a good relationship.
.
i know the problimes can be fixed if spoken about if done right.
Again…
find some help for doing his.
Either someone you BOTH can talk to; or, YOU go by yourself.
You just might be able to sort out a lot more things about the relationship than just how to talk to her. You might find that the relationship just isn’t worth the work it will take.

There is nothing at all wrong about looking for and at the basic, non-glamorous parts of a relationship that are behind the “magic”.

 
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thanks a lot of what who’s have been saying is realy helpful, and

so far i see 3 posible out comes

1 i talk to her when i fell it right to do so with minimum risk of her geting overly upset with me. which would be the best out come and my opstion of chose

2 we get profesnal help which ive looked into already and read up on sings that you may need it, whic we do, also we are realy clos to a place that does this and its very a fordible as we only need to give the amount of money we want has they get money fe the nhs, am living this option open but would rather avoid it

and 3 my most hated of choses is well having to bring my self to ether askn for a brake in the relsonship 4 a few weeks or sayn to her we should just be realy close freinds

will post any updates when this change or things get better or wurse fe talking to her..
many thanks doom

 
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Your lucky. The girl I like won’t go out with me.

 
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are you friends with her atm or do you just know her and like liker her?

if so 1st try beaning freinds 1st then let her know how you feel, or hint that you would like some1,

like say some thing lke i wish i had a gf, i see how she responds, if she says some thing lke i wish i had a bf, then difinitly let her know your feelings about her, as thats how i askd my gf out. sure i askd over fb but whn i heared the mesage sound i coulndt readed it at 1st as i was to nervis to but not as nerves as i was asking, to me 10 mins be4 i finly asked amd glad i did been my best gf so far sure we have our problimes, but my 1st gfs were not right. but tghe less u know about 1t the better as shes a revengefull bitch, 2nd left me for some1 else after thing went long distance, but she didt just tell me she keept me on the hook whle she was seeing someone. but they are now behined me

 
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Well, doomteen17 it sounds like you got a plan of what to do now.

I hope everything turns out ok for you. I think it will. It will just take some work.

Good luck to you friend.

 
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Originally posted by doomteen17:

ive bean with my gf 4 1 year n 6month, at 1st all was great, but latly things have been going down hill. theres a few things i would like to talk to her about, but she real sensitive so i realy need to watch how i talk to her about things. and i realy dont want to leave her, as i probly wont find someone like her again 4 a good while espesly at the age i am and due to other problms that am going thrugh which she understands is surportive of. i know the problimes can be fixed if spoken about if done right.

i need real serious answers please, if you need me to go in more detail in to what the problimes i an do if it would help yous to what to say.

many thanks doom

Why are you walking on eggshells for this girl, if she is really as amazing as you say she is she should be able to understand that when you bring up these issues it is to address the problem and fix it, not to be an ass hole and hurt he feelings. Be a man, tell her how you feel and discuss these issues with her and I’m sure it will be fine, if she leaves you because you addressed some issues then she wasn’t really in love with you man. Be up front with her.

 
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ive spoken to her about some of the problims just a few days ago, o i will kno if what ive said has had any inopacted on her, if so i hope it inproves our relationship, still need to talk to her on one other thing which i feel needs improve on, but due to a bad experience she had with her last bf, iam not sure if its some thing we can aculay improve on, but if she realy does love me in will do any thing to keep us together am sure she will try, well at least i hope so. as its the one thing thats making me feel that i have more of a really close friend that feels tat we close enough to hug in kiss without aculy beaning bf gf, if you get what i mean.

a i things were to be more active in the bed room, i would feel our bond will be stronger in i would feel less tempted to doing the ame things with some1 else, as those thoughts have came in to my mind a few times in if i did have a mate tat was up for that i would probaly take it, and am not happy with my self for thinking these things.

but hopefuly when i do talk to her about it he will listin and would want to do some thing to help our realasonship and to help make our bond better and to help me not think these bad thoughts

 
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Originally posted by doomteen17:

ive spoken to her about some of the problims just a few days ago, o i will kno if what ive said has had any inopacted on her, if so i hope it inproves our relationship, still need to talk to her on one other thing which i feel needs improve on, but due to a bad experience she had with her last bf, iam not sure if its some thing we can aculay improve on, but if she realy does love me in will do any thing to keep us together am sure she will try, well at least i hope so. as its the one thing thats making me feel that i have more of a really close friend that feels tat we close enough to hug in kiss without aculy beaning bf gf, if you get what i mean.

a i things were to be more active in the bed room, i would feel our bond will be stronger in i would feel less tempted to doing the ame things with some1 else, as those thoughts have came in to my mind a few times in if i did have a mate tat was up for that i would probaly take it, and am not happy with my self for thinking these things.

but hopefuly when i do talk to her about it he will listin and would want to do some thing to help our realasonship and to help make our bond better and to help me not think these bad thoughts

I wouldn’t become “close” with someone else if you are already in a relationship.
 
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Perhaps relationship anxiety/insecurity is an issue. Express gratitude for the benefits that she can provide for you. And, while with her, develop a more extroverted ability to talk with women and people around you. If you have a feeling that the relationship will go south based on her lack of appreciation of you, then develop friendships with other women, while dating her. This would allow those friendships to become stronger if the girlfriend detaches.

 
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Originally posted by doomteen17:

ive spoken to her about some of the problims just a few days ago, o i will kno if what ive said has had any inopacted on her, if so i hope it inproves our relationship, still need to talk to her on one other thing which i feel needs improve on, but due to a bad experience she had with her last bf, iam not sure if its some thing we can aculay improve on, but if she realy does love me in will do any thing to keep us together am sure she will try, well at least i hope so. as its the one thing thats making me feel that i have more of a really close friend that feels tat we close enough to hug in kiss without aculy beaning bf gf, if you get what i mean.

a i things were to be more active in the bed room, i would feel our bond will be stronger in i would feel less tempted to doing the ame things with some1 else, as those thoughts have came in to my mind a few times in if i did have a mate tat was up for that i would probaly take it, and am not happy with my self for thinking these things.

but hopefuly when i do talk to her about it he will listin and would want to do some thing to help our realasonship and to help make our bond better and to help me not think these bad thoughts

So long story short she’s not having sex with you as much as you’d like so you are thinking of cheating on her, yea it’s clearly love!

What you are describing is what happens in relationships. When they are new there is a lot of emphasis on the physical, then when that starts to subside then you find out if it was love or not. The two partners find a new balance that they both are happy and content with and that’s a good sign it’s love, otherwise it’s not meant to be and that’s how the very worst relationships are formed where people force themselves to carry them on while one or both are unhappy or even cheating.

What have you tried other than telling her you want more sex? Have you tried doing things for her? Maybe she’s bored of sex with you and that’s why there is less, could try making it feel more special again. Or try building on something other than sex if you truly want it to last?

 
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its not tht she doest want to have more fun as she does but is still geting over a realy bad experice from her last bf, but latly shes tryd again in this time around she pushed tat memery away, in realy relaxecher self n we both had the very best sex to gether, like ive never felt er o lose be4, i could of fited my hole hand up n thir if he aked me to. and after words we both felt our close bond we once had for each other coming back, in we are thinkn on trying difrent things to gether just to keep things intorsting, and i am hoping we contiune to biuld on our closeness. but only time will tell. past few nights have bee better to as thirs a little more of a surprise in the nights as u feel that am not sure were the mood wil take us

 
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Well I’m happy for you. Relationships will have their ups and downs. I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost three years, and it’s been an adventure. I wish you the best.