Recent posts by Veek on Kongregate

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Topic: Off-topic / the worlds funniest joke:

I have one that’s a bit racist, but you should know that I am not racist and I do not mean anything hateful by it, I just think it’s a clever joke:

There is a four-plex apartment building. On the bottom floor, it’s all Mexican people. On the 2nd floor, all Indian people, on the 3rd floor, all black people, and on the 4th floor all white people. There is a huge fire that burns down the whole building, but somehow only the white people survive. When asked by the skeptical news media how this could happen, the fire chief simply replied: “they were at work”.

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Topic: Off-topic / Fitness "Secrets"

To anybody who has lost alot of weight or just got themselves into amazing shape: what are some of your “secrets”?

I’d say burning more calories than you take in is a good start. It’s the most obvious thing that some people just can’t get a grasp of. When you hear somebody say “I’ve tried everything!” ask them if they’ve tried burning more calories than they shove in their face. Some more specific tips would be things like:

1) Do shorter, high-intensity workouts instead of long, mediocre ones. Running for 20 minutes as hard as you can is way better than running for an hour at a medium pace.

2) Don’t ignore your muscles. Cardio is never enough and if you want to turn your body into a fat-burning machine you need to pack on some muscle. High-intensity resistance training will give you a superhero-like body if you stick with it and do the right workouts, and all of that information is available to you online for free.

3) Stop binging on junkfood, especially at night. Eating like a human instead of some shit factory will change your life. You can eat as much as you want, whenever you get hungry… Just stop cramming shit down your gullet and you’ll notice a huge difference.

4) Portion control. Don’t eat until you feel disgustingly full, eat about half that amount and just eat more often. You’ll get hungry more and it makes eating the food much more enjoyable.

5) Breathing exercises. There are plenty, and I guess alot of people just do yoga, but all I do is about 30 breaths a day going: 2 seconds in through my nose, allowing my chest to expand and contracting my abs, hold that breath for 4 seconds, breathe out through my mouth for 1 second. You don’t have to do it for this amount of time, and I actually usually take longer breaths, it just needs to be at a ratio of 2:4:1. Sounds like some bullshit, but I challenge anybody to do that and see if they don’t feel a difference in their metabolism.

Please add any advice that you can think of so that anybody who is interested can check it out. I know alot of people already know all of this, but I think there are many others out there who don’t and I think some of them would be interested to know. Keep in mind that this is also just a condensed version of stuff you can find at Men’s Health, Livestrong, and plenty of personal trainer videos.

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Topic: Off-topic / Pigeon Chess

The following is a digital photo approximation of what a typical pigeon looks like:

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Topic: Off-topic / Pigeon Chess

Pigeon Chess

From Urban Dictionary
“Refers to having a pointless debate with somebody utterly ignorant of the subject matter, but standing on a dogmatic position that cannot be moved with any amount of education or logic, but who always proclaims victory.”

From Book Review
“Debating Creationists on the topic of Evolution is rather like trying to play chess with a pigeon; it knocks the pieces over, craps on the board, and flies back to its flock to claim victory.”
- Scott D. Weitzenhoffer
I encounter people every single day on the internet who are pigeons playing chess, on a variety of different topics and with varying levels of ignorance and arrogance.

Discuss some of the pigeons you’ve played chess with and how they are smug, useless idiots.

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Topic: Off-topic / The Bible Says Slavery Is OK

“When a man strikes his slave, male or female, with a rod and the slave dies under his hand, he shall be avenged. But if the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be avenged, for the slave is his money.” – Exodus 21:20-21

Discuss how it’s not only OK to have slaves, but it’s also OK to beat them as long as they don’t die within a few days. Reading more on the topic of slavery from the bible, one will find it’s actually immoral for a slave to disobey a master, and a slave should fear his master as he would Christ.

“Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ” – Ephesians 6:5

I used to be OK with the bible because I thought it was at least a decent moral guide for some people, even if others actually take it literally. It turns out I was way off. If you are interested in learning more about how slavery is good or about how women should basically be slaves to men, pick up a copy of the bible today!

Does anybody have more fun quotes from the bible about morally reprehensible things that are perfectly OK?