Recent posts by lord0216 on Kongregate

Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Non Finite - Original Fiction - Feedback Recquested

Before I posted my previous post, I went about trying to fix the errors. Thus, here is a hopefully better version ready for the harshest criticism. Or, you know. You could just give normal criticism. Preferably of the constructive kind.



It had been happening for all of recorded history. Stars vanishing, one by one, from the night sky. Nobody paid it much attention. If it did turn out to be a disaster, it wouldn’t happen during their lifetime. And most of those people were correct. It was their descendants who would face this disaster.
A few astronomers noted that vanishing stars were getting rather close. Noted that it would be less than a century before Sol would be reached. Funding began going in to analysing the phenomenon of the vanishing stars. The result that they gained was worrying, though- an ever-expanding sphere that swallowed up anything it encountered.
When space programs started up, a very real goal, that few discussed, was escape. Escape from the growing darkness, from the Void. Of course, they still had decades before the most pessimistic estimates believed the darkness would reach them. Still, tensions rose. Wars became more common, weapons development accelerated, an aura of fear slowly grew.
By this point, the darkness was less than a decade away from their star. Colony ships were being built at this point, inefficient, crude shuttles built from fear. Resources were stockpiled by governments and private factions alike. Recreational drug use increased significantly as stress rose, and even more legal intoxicating substances found themselves abused.
By best estimate, they had less than a year. The colony ships had been launched, though they knew the ships could never accelerate fast enough to escape. People ended spending more time with their families, quitting jobs they hated, acting like their was no tommorrow. Because the Void was only weeks away.
From the Void, creatures came. Eventually, they would be widely known as demons, but for now none knew what to make of them. Diplomacy was attempted, though no response was received. The Void’s advance seemed slowed by their star, and for that they were grateful, but they soon realized why they had not noticed this behavior earlier. The demons drained power from the star, even as the swarms coallesced.
It had been decided quite rapidly that they would fight back. Nuclear weapons were fired as fast as they could be maneuvered so as to drop towards the sun. Sadly, the demons easily avoided the slow descent of the bombs. Weaponry production was increased greatly even as militaries around the world recruited and trained mercilessly.
Eventually, despite the best efforts of humanity, the star was consumed by the demons. The Void began to encroach once more even as the massive swarms of demons that had been collecting rushed towards the planet. Countless bullets and bombs, every concievable measure with which to stop the demons, were attempted, but in the end it was futile. The waves of demons seemed endless.
Every person slain by the demons lost their soul to the beasts, further demoralizing them all. Many chose suicide, though a few learned from watching the soul be consumed. Earth’s human population dwindled, until all that remained were the mages, those who had learned to draw power from their souls. They did what they could to drive the demons back by channeling the power of generators into destructive attacks, but they were unable to stop them.
The demons seemed to come to a conclusion that the remaining humans were too tough to make a meal out of, and left to claw down the walls around another world. A few remained, building strongholds of heavy stone that burned endlessly with demonic flames. The mages took some time to realize why, but as the Void descended upon the planet it was much easier to understand.
The mages themselves, already gathered into groups by and large, built their own fortresses. Deep underground, with what resources they could scavenge, they purified the air, heated their home, and recycled waste into food via magic. When they had enough power to spare or needed something they could not create, they went to the surface, shrouded in barriers of magic to protect themselves from the cold and vacuum.
And this continued for quite some time. Life continued, as it tended too. The mages grew in power and dwindled in number. The world was slowly eaten away at by the Void. And, in the distant depths of the Void, a mind formed.
The Void melted away from it in a tiny area, even as warmth and light was drained away. But this was largely irrelevant to the young mind. The entity was more than able to generate it’s own power. It was composed of soulmass, the only true source of power. Countless worlds had long come to the conclusion that only soulmass could truly create. This spark was tiny- a lingering fragment of a mortal soul, slowly fraying in the low-magic environment, that just so happened to begin releasing energy.
Of course, environments rich in magic are also dangerous to souls. The ambient magical energy tended to bond to souls and cause degradation. Under normal circumstances, this destroyed the soul just as a environment low in magic would- simply slower. However, trillion to one chances must happen eventually, and as it turned out a simple sapience happened to form within the fragment. This new mind would likely have been lost just as quickly as it was gained, if not for the residual data from it’s late host being accessable to the mind. The fragment well aware that it was still unstable, and risked losing it’s new mind. That, of course, was something it could not permit.
Basic manipulation of energy was attempted first. Of course, practicing on one’s very being was not the best of ideas. Once it was relatively successful manipulating some of the energy it constantly radiated- and found a way to stop radiating energy if it had to- the fragment began it’s urgent work. Most of the patterns of magical energy were unrecognizable to the untrained senses of the fragment, but it had enough of a grasp already to simply knit the edges together and prevent further degredation. Once the most urgent issue had been settled, the fragment looked inwards, towards it’s core. Once the lingering data had been catalogued, the fragment deemed what basic maintenance it could perform complete.
Of course, there is most definitely a difference between necessary maintenance and the various upgrades it already had in mind. The issue of the moment seemed to be processing power. The fragment was well aware that it was rather sluggish performance-wise, due to the admittedly crude and chaotic nature of it’s mind. A brief examination allowed the fragment to tweak a few things, optimize what features it could recognize, and most importantly move it’s mind into the core. Unfortunately, the fragment was not skilled as of yet to modify it’s mind with anything that aproached safety.
Sadly, the fragment was unable to increase it’s processing power with what little soulmass was not devoted to one function or another. Yes, the fragment of stable, but it most certainly did not enjoy being so small. It needed to harvest soulmass from some source, and to do that it needed to find a source.
A short time was taken to layer a simple magical constructs around it’s self. The barrier was brittle and took energy to maintain, but would both protect it against reasonable quantities of damage and shield it from areas of low ambient magic. Shell in place, self stable, and plan in mind, the fragment began moving in a roughly straight line perpendicular to the gravity well it occupied.

*

An indeterminate amount of time later, the spark stumbled upon it’s meal quite randomly. Bearing in it’s hand a small, flickering fire, a lone demon shuffled past the desolate landscape. A gash was apparent in the flesh of it’s leg, and it appeared to be leaking magical energy into the environment.
Reaching out with it’s senses, the spark examined the demon. The body of the beast appeared to be a large magical construct, resembling a mammalian body to some extent. Of course, no organs were present. A hollow containing significant quantities of magical energy sat in it’s torso, conduits moving power from it to the demon’s extremities. Most importantly, a chunk of soulmass was in use powering the demon- if harvested, this would more than double the fragment’s self.
The demon glimpsed the fragment from the corner of it’s eye(apparently, they rely on the shell for more than just physical action and stability), but the fragment darted behind a mound of rubble and dimmed it’s lights before the demon could fully see it. Seemingly disregarding the brief sighting, the demon continued on it’s way unbothered.
The obvious question was how to destroy the demon. Breaching it’s shell was obviously the answer, but how would it do that? A projectile? An emenation of raw force? Dropping a heavy chunk of rubble on it? The fragment did not have as much time as it would like to consider this- the gash was slowly but surely sealing up, and this opportunity would be lost if it did not act.
It was decided. Energy was woven together into a dense spherical construct. Patterns of energy were woven into a spell, kept stable by a secondary array as the demon limped onwards. As the least demon stepped in front of the array, the pellet was launched. It pierced through both sides of the demon’s head, magical energy gushing rapidly from the holes.
The sudden loss of energy, coupled with the damage to an important structure of the physical shell, destabilized the demon enough that it’s shell disintegrated into raw magical energy. All that remained was the soulmass, even now fraying. Darting over, the fragment absorbed the soulmass, at the same time ejecting it’s own damaged edges.
Additional mental processors were formed of the new soulmass, as well as a copy of the pellet creation and launching spell so as to allow much faster activation. What remained was devoted to generating and manipulating power.
With a significantly larger self and more powerful mind, the fragment came to notice that it should have a name. Granted, it would be quite a while before it came to interact with non-hostile sapients, but names were useful. An almost dismissive pulse of energy instantly burned a name into a tiny wisp of the fragment’s soulmass. It’s name was Visperpetua. And any being that had a disparaging remark for Visperpetua’s awesome new name would be met with pain.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Non Finite - Original Fiction - Feedback Recquested

First of all, I thank you for the response!

I shall attempt to address some of your comments:
From what I could tell, the world was not too thermodynamically unsound. Basically, most worlds never gain the capacity to acquire energy from souls, and the Void is kept out by barriers around worlds, at least until demons destroy it.
I will attempt to look over this again to try to correct any misuse of words, you have my thanks for pointing that out.
I am not completely sure what you meant by ‘too silly’. Was it too different from neighboring sentences? Too exposition-ey?
The description of the factions, and perhaps the rest of the exposition, could definitely use some modification.
I was not aiming at a villain or anti-hero, honestly. To put it plainly, Vis has a most definitely non-human mindset. Did I make him too ‘evil’ with this?
I have a lot of the background of this setting planned out, but I am unsure as to where I would put it.
The ‘soulmass’ is, as implied by the name, chunks of soul. Souls naturally form and grow within sapient creatures, doing nothing special. Usually, they dissipate into nothing once they lose a host. Some beings- the ‘mages’, demons, entities like Vis- are able to form structures from soulmass which provide benefits to the bearer. One of the most basic is energy generation. Soulmass can be placed in objects, allowing for ‘enchanting’ items.
The setting is intended to be somewhat dark, yes.
I will attempt to write some more detailed description of the invasion, if that is what you recommend? Thinking about it, it would definitely provide a more seamless way to add information about the world.

Anyways, I thank you once more for the feedback provided!

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Non Finite - Original Fiction - Feedback Recquested

Another world had fallen, been devoured by the demons. Survivors remain, those who were able to rediscover magic, able to pull power from their souls, but these are few and far between. They build as they can, scavenging materials to forge great forts of iron and stone even as they carefully manage their reserves of magic. Most of the demons have left by now, already gnawing away at the barriers around another world. Those that remain build fortresses of heavy stone, keeping the Void away with the constant flames of countless lesser demons. And, far from these occasional strongholds, in the depths of the Void, a mind formed.
The Void melted away from it in a tiny area, even as it drained the warmth and light from it. But this was largely irrelevant. The ‘spark’ was more than able to generate it’s own power. You see, throughout the infinite worlds, souls are the only true source of energy. Most things that seem to create energy draw from some other source or have soulmass bound into them for power. This spark was little different- a lingering fragment of a mortal soul, slowly fraying due to it’s exposure to a low-magic environment, just happened to begin releasing energy.
With a higher-magic environment to exist within, the complex magical patterns of the fragment no longer decayed quite so rapidly. However, such was the damage afflicted so far that the fragment mutated and grew in strange directions as ambient magic coallesced upon it’s frayed edges. Eventually, this reached a point such that a simple sapience was acquired. This new mind would likely have been lost at some point, if not for the fact that souls tend to acquire data from their hosts over time and the mind within the fragment was able to access it. The fragment noted that it was still unstable, and risked losing it’s mind once more. That, of course, was something it could not permit.
Basic manipulation of energy was attempted first. Of course, practicing on one’s very being was not the best of ideas. Once it was relatively successful manipulating some of the energy it constantly radiated- and found a way to stop radiating energy if it had to- the fragment began it’s uurgent work. Most of the patterns of magical energy were unrecognizable to the untrained senses of the fragment, but it had enough of a grasp already to simply knit the edges together and prevent further degredation. Once the most urgent issue had been settled, the fragment looked inwards, at it’s much more stable core. Once the data had been catalogued and more stable connections to the fringes had been put in place, the fragment deemed what basic maintenance it could perform complete.
The issue of the moment seemed to be processing power. The fragment was well aware that it was rather sluggish performance-wise, due to the admittedly crude and chaotic nature of it’s mind. A brief examination allowed the fragment to tweak a few things, optimize what features it could recognize, and more importantly move it’s mind into the core. It did not feel secure enough in it’s knowledge to manipulate it’s mind in any significant way as of yet, so for now it declined further modification.
Of course, the fragment had another reason for this. What little soulmass remained in the fragment was now largely devoted to it’s mind, very little remaining for other functions. Yes, the fragment of stable, but it most certainly did not enjoy being so small. It needed to harvest soulmass from some source, but first it needed to find a source.
A short time was taken to layer a few magical constructs around it’s self. The barrier was brittle and took energy to maintain, but would both protect it against reasonable quantities of damage and shield it from areas of low ambient magic. Shell in place, self stable, and plan in mind, the fragment began moving in a roughly straight line perpendicular to the gravity well it occupied.

*

An indeterminate amount of time later, the spark stumbled upon a demon quite randomly. The demon bore in it’s hand a small, flickering fire, and shuffled slowly through the desolate landscape. A gash was easily visible in the shell around it’s leg, and it appeared to be leaking magical energy into the environment.
Reaching out with it’s senses, the spark examined the demon. A thick shell composed of a strangely complex magical construct(less magically dense and weaker than the fragment’s, but covering a significantly larger area and allowing physical actions) surrounded a small core. Large amounts of magical energy were detected within, and flowing throughout the shell as well in conduits. Most importantly, a chunk of soulmass was held within to power the demon- if harvested, this would more than double the fragment’s self.
The demon noticed the fragment from the corner of it’s eye(apparently, they rely on the shell for more than just physical action and stability), but the fragment darted behind a mound of rubble and dimmed it’s lights before the demon could fully see it. The demon seemed to disregard the brief sighting, and continued on it’s way unbothered.
The obvious question was, how could the fragment destroy the demon to get at it’s soulmass? Breaching it’s shell was obviously the answer, but how would it do that? A projectile? An emenation of raw force? The fragment did not have as much time as it would like to consider this- the gash was slowly but surely sealing up, and this opportunity would be lost if it did not act.
It was decided. Energy was woven together into a dense spherical construct. Arrays of runes were formed from more energy as the fragment prepared, kept stable by other runes in an array that was draining power rapidly just to keep from dissolving in the low-magic environment. Finally, as the least demon stepped in front of the array, the pellet was launched. It pierced through both sides of the demon’s head, magical energy gushing rapidly from the holes.
The sudden loss of magical energy, coupled with the damage to an important structure of the physical shell, destabilized the demon enough that it’s shell collapsed into a fine powder that swiftly dissolved into nothing. All that remained was the soulmass, even now fraying. Darting over, the fragment absorbed the soulmass, at the same time ejecting it’s own frayed edges.
Additional mental processors were formed within the new soulmass, as well as a copy of the pellet creation and launching trick so as to allow much faster use of it. A large part of the soulmass, however, was devoted simply to energy generation, with what little remained set to increase the fragment’s ability to manipulate energy.
With a significantly larger self and more powerful mind, the fragment came to notice that it should have a name. Granted, it would be quite a while before it came to interact with non-hostile sapients, but names were useful. An almost dismissive pulse of energy instantly burned a name into a tiny wisp of the fragment’s soulmass. It’s name was Visperpetua. And any being that had a disparaging remark for Visperpetua’s awesome new name would be met with pain.

This is the very, very basic outline of the beginning of my story. To put it bluntly, I am unsure where to go from this point. Simply going about collecting soulmass or practicing Vis’ magic seems dull, but at this point I don;t think Vis should be interacting with either of the factions.Thus, I humbly request feedback about this tiny snippet.
 
Flag Post

Topic: Dream World / Server 1 Guild Recruitment Thread

Name: dEmon gAte bAttles
Initial: EAA (DGB was taken)
Members: 1
Min. Level: 51
Tier: Gold, with 7 Bil in the vault.

Please join my guild! It focuses on defeating normal and orb gates, and all players not higher level than me who can fight gates are free to join.

 
Flag Post

Topic: War of the Web / The Ultimate WotW Suggestions Thread

Very, very, very, very, very, very expensive extra tiles for placing buildings. The price doubles with each new tile, and they can be destroyed by attackers if they do not have a building on top.

 
Flag Post

Topic: Kongregate Multiplayer Games / [Parallel Kingdom] more or less

Less players! I want my secret city in the middle of nowhere!

 
Flag Post

Topic: Kongregate Multiplayer Games / [Ministry of War] Help with merchants

Merchants gain exp. through either buying and selling, selling, or buying. I’m not sure.So, just send them merchanting.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

You make a clay spinning wheel (you can use the top for making clay stuff and the sides for string), a second shovel, a saw, and a stringless bow. The grain plants are ripe. The egg is one turn from hatching. The Enemies try to destroy your wall. Many green pixels are planted, hopefully they’ll grow into trees. Sorry for the lack of pictures recently.

 
Flag Post

Topic: Kongregate Multiplayer Games / [Remnants of Skystone] We should be able to make the brass currency

The ability to make something that costs real money out of ingame items probably won’t be added. But it would be nice if you could do that.

 
Flag Post

Topic: Kongregate Multiplayer Games / [Ministry of War] Hero to strong?

It takes effort to level up a hero. It takes automatically gained resources to build an army.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

You make the wall bigger, a greyfish is caught, and what do you mean by lumber camp? Like an outpost where lumber is harvested? The tribe realizes you’re making a wall and get ready to attack. Coughhealingberriescough. Trees become mature.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

Thanks to global warming, your island in the south pole is warm all year round.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

Bowl becames fancy, but coated in gold it might not float. You have plenty of wood, no need to destroy the farm. Enemies spend their turn munching on berries.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

Berries get a graphics boost, start building outpost, and other tribes go from hostility to dislike.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

3 and 2 start making a baby. The lake is completed and stocked with greyfish(but you still only have one fire). Gate is completed. 5 learns magic barrier. 3 tribespeople notice you. You identify that the bush is full of heal-berries. 7 makes an anvil and a free hammer appears. 6 finds a redfish:
10 food
4 rounds to cook

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

1, uses his mining implement to shear sheep, while 7 uses his bare hands to mine iron. 10 food is consumed. You get the dead guys sword. A bridge is started. The lake is nearly full. You get your every-hundred-post-bonus next time. Plus a challenge will come next time. cough<crazyguy’stribe>cough.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

You manage to create two sheep and locate a gold vein. You plant berries, build a pen, and kill the weird guy. You find a greyfish.
GRAYFISH:
2 rounds to cook
worth 3 food

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

4 throws his spear. 5 launches a fireball. A net is made.

Oops, I put the wrong image. Sorry.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

The powerful release of energy from the successful bump refilled your god power bar and made everything this turn free. 5 gets a mana bar and a new spell, fireball. The wild person fireballs 10.

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

bump.

 
Flag Post

Topic: Kongregate Multiplayer Games / [Ministry of War] time to do something about the XP thieves.

In the arena, it’s good to earn charge badges, because they earn you gear. You get an extra charge badge if you successfully flee. It’s a good strategy to run!

 
Flag Post

Topic: Kongregate Multiplayer Games / [Ministry of War] time to do something about the XP thieves.

you’re allowed to use whatever tactic you want to win. Just because someone runs out of troops doesn’t mean they should sit back and lose.

 
Flag Post

Topic: Kongregate Multiplayer Games / [Ministry of War] What Civ are you?

this post has been removed

 
Flag Post

Topic: The Arts / Island Survival

I was waiting for something more specific(what to upgrade house into) so you get several extra boxes. It’s dark, so you turn on the lights. This wakes everyone up a little early. These people probably only need 2 or 3 hours of sleep, right? The enemy somehow gathers more mana from an unknown source, making his fireball stronger.

 
Flag Post

Topic: TDP4 Team Battle / About camping

i think camping is supposed to happen. Why do you think it’s “c”?