Recent posts by Terastas on Kongregate

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Topic: Kongregate / PETITION: stop badging MMOs where you have to wait

Originally posted by EzekielMaple:

Just because i see that (apparently) nobody though of this: Badges that are based on Player vs Player gameplay.
Some games won’t be in the spotlight forever (and some weren’t in it in first place), so eventually will play them for the sake of doing it become fewer, and the only interest resides in the badges. (e.g. Dinowaurs)
Also, competitive balance (a lvl. 1 player vs a lvl.30 player that does like the game).

Ugh. Yes, I second this. Games with PvP, especially PvP-only games like Vorp and TDP4, largely operate the same con as MMOs, IE: Make the game free to play, but progression so slow and brutal that the only way to even have a prayer against the money-players is to pay for content too.

TDP4, for example, has a level system, which is sold on the promise of preventing newcomers from having to fight couch commandos, but instead ensures that premium players retain a massive edge since they have weapons that cannot be obtained at those levels any other way. It’s an extremely shallow ploy that ensures only the mind-numbingly patient and dedicated ever obtain the game’s hard badge without having to pay.

So yeah, I’m all for that. No more badges for PvP games either.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / PETITION: stop badging MMOs where you have to wait

Originally posted by racefan12:

I don’t understand why people assume that everyone who just plays a game without rating it (these people do exist, but are not nearly as numerous as you think) rates a game 5. Just as many of them rate the game 1 (or some other number) as ones who rate the game 5.

Because when you rate a game a 1/5, people are more likely to take notice. If you do it without comment, you get fingered as a troller, and if you take the time to explain why a game deserved the 1/5 you gave it, the developers (or at least a couple of butt-monkeys working on their behalf) hound you for it.

And trust me, I know that from experience. It never ceases to amaze me how often the publisher of a game that has been played by tens of thousands of people in a single day will get completely bent out of shape to the point of obsession because one person rated their game poorly.

But back on MMOs, Pykrete pretty much hit the nail on the head. It’s not because we dislike MMOs as games, but rather because of the business model they have come to represent: A shallow ploy to generate the maximum income out of the smallest amount of effort.

More often than not, the model is to have the game progress at a snail’s pace so that players will be encouraged to spend real money on “premium” items to bypass the process. The next step is to create PvP quests or some kind of conquest mechanic to encourage premium players to bully the casual gamers, forcing them to either upgrade to premium service in turn to stay competitive or quit.

This, of course, boils down gameplay solely to gamers with premium membership, and in turn encourages them to spend even more cash to stay ahead of the rest of the cash-paying players.

If this business model sounds familiar, it should. It’s more or less the same con from “The Sneetches” (and yes, I am old enough to remember that).

I think if Kongregate should have any standard, any standard at all, it should be not to host games that have no ambition whatsoever except to take the money and run.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / PETITION: stop badging MMOs where you have to wait

E.R. is right. I suspect more than half of the ratings given are by people who didn’t even play the games at all and just rated them five stars for the points. It’s the only possible explanation as to why some games that don’t even work properly still get scores above 3.0.

But I second the motion. Real Time MMOs are fine for crap like Facebook or for gaming idly at the office, but beyond that, the only function of RT is to test the player’s patience and make them more apt to spend money on “speed up” functions. Most of the MMOs being featured on Kongregate are, in this way, nothing more than incredibly shallow cash-grab schemes that they should know better than to host at all, much less provide badges to.

Honestly, this makes me think it’s time for Kongregate to divulge how exactly they decide which games do or do not receive badges. Because based on some of the utter garbage that has received badges in contrast to some otherwise good games that went overlooked, I suspect the deciding factor doesn’t have anything to do with quality.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Best of 2012 Quest!

Originally posted by ivod:

If you can make better games, go ahead. I’ll be the first one to play them and see that your creations will be no better than these.

Yes, that’s right, the fact that I couldn’t make a game of my own means I’m also incapable of recognizing when someone else can’t either. Imagine if George W. Bush had answered all the ridicule that he was an awful president by yelling “I’d like to see you do any better!”

No, I couldn’t make a decent game if I wanted to. But from the look of things, neither can Armor Games, Berzerk, Fazecat, or anyone else that Kongregate is way too quick to trust. The only difference between all of them and me? I have no delusions to the contrary.

No, I take it back. Looking at the list again, I think only half of them could have actually been delusional. The other half are laughing hysterically watching nimrods like ivod 5-star and favorite all this garbage that took them less than a day to slap together. Half the games on the list aren’t even the full games — they’re teasers for games you can buy for your smartphone, fundamentally not all that different from the slew of one-level-only games that comes free with your PS1.

And those games, which are literally nothing more than advertisements for a real product, were named “Best of 2012.” You know what the developers are going to take away from that? They’re going to realize that they don’t even need to try anymore — that they can just take their old 8th grade CompSci projects, update the graphics with crap out of their recycling bins, and STILL get an average Kongregate score of 4.0 or higher.

So don’t give me that “Let’s see you do any better” B.S. If the best you can come up with to defend a game is to say that it’s better than something produced by someone who has zero experience in game developing, I consider that all the proof I need that the game genuinely is a true steaming pile of a game.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Best of 2012 Quest!

Originally posted by resterman:
Originally posted by Terastas:

Terastas rant

I didn’t have the Musaic Box medium badge and still voted for it.

I can blame them for giving these festering turds badges in the first place. And I blame them again for taking the word of a huge group of people, most of whom probably never even bothered playing the games at all before rating them.

Were I at Kongregate, I would have voted in favor of changing the title from “Best of” to “Highest rated.”

Originally posted by LouWeed:

Well I think this year’s quest is about par for the course…the only difference is the last couple of years there was at least one killer game included…2011 had RPG Shooter, and 2010 had Mardek, EBF and Enchanted Cave….of course, this year also improves on the previous two by not having a total stinker like Doodle God or Tyrant (I say this without yet having played Paladog), so it all balances out.

Originally posted by resterman:
Originally posted by Terastas:

Terastas rant


I didn’t have the Musaic Box medium badge and still voted for it.

I stopped reading when the implication was made that BBR is not “incredibly boring, incredibly ill-conceived, or both”.

BBR is only not boring compared to the other games. The fact that it one of the best games of the lot is not a compliment to BBR so much as an insult to all the other games on the list.

I’d rank them this way from “best” to worst:
1: Knightmare Tower. Just another launch game, not all that different from the original Burrito Bison, though the fact that you attack in the direction opposite the way you’re moving gives a greater emphasis on timing. It gets repetitive very early, but does just enough to keep things at least marginally interesting.
2: Burrito Bison Revenge. It’s the same damn thing as the original Burrito Bison, except with the power-ups swapped around. The only thing that keeps it from being as boring as the other games is the cartoonish nature of the power-ups. I got, at the very least, a few chuckles out of it.
3: Bloons TD 5. Just like BBR, it does next to nothing to hide the fact that it’s basically the same damn game as the others. It has a lot of additional power-ups, sure, but also has an included “cash for content” gimmick.
4: i saw her standing there. The game that had so little thought put into it, the developer couldn’t even be bothered to use the Shift key as he was titling it. The only saving grace of this game is that it’s ridiculously short, so you’ll have the badge before you fall asleep from this snooze-fest.
5: Paladog. It’s an Epic War ripoff, and not even a good one. Instead it uses cute character designs and terrible mini-games to try and compensate for the fact that there isn’t an ounce of originality in the game, which is guaranteed to be either incredibly frustrating or incredibly boring, and never anything in between.
6: New Star Soccer. The ONLY redeeming factor of this game is that, as far as I know, it’s original (or at least isn’t a sequel or a direct ripoff of something else). That, and the medium badge only took a couple of minutes to get, so by the time you’ve figured out just how broken the game mechanics are — how much of an absolute chore this game is to play — you’ll already be done with it. Whoever made this clearly didn’t think it would ever be played anywhere except on a smartphone by people bored out of their skulls waiting at the bus stop — the kind of people who would never notice that the game they’re playing is absolute garbage.
7: Decision 2. To it’s credit, this plays more like an expansion pack than a direct knock-off, but there’s just one problem: It all sucks. ATM machines, hiding places and machine gun nests (which are, mechanics-wise, broken) don’t balance out the slew of new, cheap enemies (like those freakin’ werewolves) and stupid defense missions. I gave the original Decision a 1/5, but Decision 2 is far worse.
8: Infectonator 2. I think it’s telling enough that you don’t even have to finish the game to get the last hard badge. This game is as boring a chore as a game can get. The only thing that kept me from falling asleep was that effing music (which is literally the exact same crap as was in the original).
9: Incursion. It’s a ripoff of Kingdom Rush. Not as boring as Infectonator 2, sure, but it pisses me off even more because A) It’s not a sequel — it’s a genuine ripoff, B) it’s shoddily programmed, and C) there’s actually LESS in this game than the game it’s ripping off. It is, blatant and unapologetic in its complete and utter void of originality.
10: Musaic Box. There are plenty of games out there that manage to be frustrating OR boring, but few that can be frustrating AND boring. This game accomplishes this. The puzzles (which have you puzzling together the melodies of preschool songs) are insultingly easy only when they do not rely on cheapness (like one puzzle where four pieces looked and sounded identical to each other), so the developers evidently sought to compensate by making the players search around the scenery for the puzzles first, using a search tool that is an absolute Nazi about the precision of where you are clicking. This helps it achieve the rare feat of being insultingly easy AND a boring chore to play. This game is an absolute insult, both to the player, and to the art department (which I promise you is the only thing every single person who rated this highly took into consideration).

Seriously, I never gave anything on this list a score above 2/5. I wish I could line up everybody that just gave these games five stars without playing them on the side of the road and hire a cab so I could stick my hand out the passenger side window and bitch slap them all at once.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Best of 2012 Quest!

Really Kongregate? Really? Only two of those games (Burrito Bison Revenge, Knightmare Tower) I thought were even tolerable. The others were either incredibly boring, incredibly ill-conceived, or both.

All this goes to show is how easy it is to not only get badges, but to get a “best of the year” game once you have name recognition (half of these are by Armor Games and other such titles that I’ve since learned to treat as warning labels). All you need to do is make it a sequel to something so flaming awful, or just plain make it look terrible, so nobody will actually be bothered with playing the game except for A) the people that go in and five-star everything just to get the points for rating it, and B) the people that go in and five-star everything because they’re impressed by anything that even remotely resembles a game.

By ensuring that nobody else (including the Kongregate staff, by the look of things) can muster up the willpower to even look at the damn thing, you will get a “best of” inclusion for that year.

Oh, FYI, nobody voted for Musaic Box or ISHST because they thought the games were good. They voted for them because they already have the badges.

Seriously Kongregate, stop trusting Armor Games etc. to know what they’re doing. They don’t. Don’t just assume because it came from so-and-so that it’s worthy of badges; more likely than not, it isn’t.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Chronicles of Blood loot challenge

Originally posted by Silverax:

I guess if we think positive, a contest with a horrible game means less people getting the ticket. Likewise, that means a higher chance for us to win.

That’s what I thought. Though at the same time, I’m wondering if this is just some ploy to make Dead Space 3 not seem like such a festering piece of crap to whoever is lucky enough to win it.

The only good news is that Kongregate should be getting the message. The “game” has an average score of 3.38. Which is, by Kongregate standards, absolutely abysmal.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Chronicles of Blood loot challenge

God freakin’ dammit Kongregate, could you possibly have picked a worse game for this challenge? There are plenty of games that are “play to win” on Kongregate, but this is the first one I’ve seen where you can’t even get through a freakin’ tutorial before the sad truth of the game hits you.

This is, hands down, the most pitiful excuse for a video game I have ever seen on Kongregate. And that’s saying a lot, considering that A) there are a lot of games on this website that I wish I could have given 0/5 ratings to, and B) I’m usually easily suckered into games like this. I played Call of Gods, Galaxy Online, Time World, all of them, well after acquiring the last badge. And this truly is the first of its kind that I not only can’t wait to be done with, but that, if this game had badges, I wouldn’t even be motivated to stick with it long enough to earn them.

Seriously, for the love of Pete Kongregate, start actually playing the games before you put quests and/or badges on them.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Vote for the Best of 2012 Quest!

Really? Those were the top-rated games for the entire year?

I call bull. Somebody’s got a bazillion different Kongregate account and is using them to give five stars to their own games or something. Because I fail to believe such high ratings were given by people that actually played those games.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Aliens Quest

sigh They did it again.

Last time we had a contest like this, it was, what the Mirrans vs. the Phyraxians or something like that? And everybody wound up picking the Phyraxians because the admins picked a badge from a boring, broken, utter P.O.S. of a game that nobody had the patience to try and get.

Well, they’ve done it again. Don’t let the “easy badge” label fool you, because “Raze 2” for the Marines line is an utter P.O.S. as well. Trust me, you will not have the patience to put up with it for more than ten seconds.

Having been called out for it the first time they pulled this crap many, MANY times, the admins might as well just come right the hell out and say “Yeah, we want the Aliens to win.” Because the only other explanation for why they would repeat the same boneheaded mistake after getting half the community raging at them the last time they did it would be if they’ve got their heads far enough up their arses to see their tonsils.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Apocalypse Nao! (Winners announced...finally!)

Wow. . . That last one. . . Can someone explain to me how that was even a game?

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Apocalypse Nao! (Winners announced...finally!)

Honestly, I think whoever made Vertigo was trolling us. The thing that killed me the most while playing it was trying to avoid spikes by hugging a wall and finding out the hard way that those smooth wall surfaces will kill you too.

It aspires to Meat Boy-esque difficulty, but expects the player to do it with clunky, barely-responsive controls. And that part about needing to unlock the ability to acquire trophies? That’s just plain unforgivable.

Kongregate should have NEVER given badges to this thing. Not even if their only motivation in doing so was to say “This game has been slain!”

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Apocalypse Nao! (Winners announced...finally!)

Musiac Box: The game so bad that the Kongregate staffer(s) couldn’t even muster up the effort to go back and fix the counter.

Seriously, it’s a fine example of how to pad out a game in the worst ways possible. The actual puzzles that I found challenging were the ones that were cheap (like the ones that gave you four or five pieces that looked exactly alike and played pieces that sounded alike); when they didn’t do that, they were easy to the point of being insulting.

Fortunately, they padded it out by making you find the puzzle pieces first with a search function that was VERY anal about where precisely you have to click. So instead of an insultingly easy puzzle game that at least had the redeeming factor of being short, we instead got an insultingly easy puzzle game that was a boring chore.

sigh I’m guessing the Kongregate staffer(s) got mesmerized by the graphics.

So far, this event is 2-7. Dillo Hills was good, and Icycle was passable. But everything else featured in this event was either incredibly boring or broken. If Kongregate ever does an event where they grant badges to old games again, they should really consider doing it by vote.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Apocalypse Nao! (Winners announced...finally!)

“Take A Walk” is apparently named for what the game makes you want to get up and do by the time you’ve finished playing it. >_<

Seriously, there are a lot of insipid games by delusional developers on Kongregate who try to use that “Art House” label to compensate for the fact that their games are terrible, but that game takes it to levels I’d have previously thought unimaginable.

Some of the games during this event, I do genuinely believe deserved badges the first time around and just inexplicably slipped through the cracks. “Take A Walk” was definitely not one of them.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Apocalypse Nao! (Winners announced...finally!)

What I appreciate about Dillo Hills is how differently it plays compared to other launch titles.

For most of you on Kongregate, the first launch game you played will have been Toss The Turtle, which is also the format most launch titles adhere to: the one where you set the angle and speed, score based on distance and have little to no additional actual gameplay mechanics beyond a couple of power-ups to try to extend your distance.

Dillo Hills, on the other hand, is a much more involved gameplay experience with the emphasis more on speed and timing than just simple distance. I almost hesitate to call it a launch title, to be honest.

As for the hard badge, 123aaa789 and Fricknmaniac have the right of it. Stop focusing on gems as soon as you don’t need to purchase upgrades anymore, keep your happiness up as much as possible to get the higher multipliers, and focus more on getting your landings right and ample amounts of height / air time out of your launches.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Apocalypse Nao! (Winners announced...finally!)

Never thought I’d see the day where the best game in a series (so far) was a launch game.

And since it’s about cute critters wanting to fly, I’m guessing this isn’t limited to armageddon-esque games anymore. May I therefore recommend Miami Shark and Bunni for badges as well?

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Apocalypse Nao! (Winners announced...finally!)

So. . . Did you already decide what games are being resurrected and when? Or is it worth offering suggestions?

 
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Topic: General Gaming / The Best Game Ever [Poll]

Neverwinter Nights

 
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Topic: General Gaming / Wrestle Jump

What is this?

No, seriously, what the hell is this?!

It has wonky physics, and ONE BUTTON!

How is this worthy of badges?! How is this even considered playable?!

Hell, how is this even a game?!

Seriously, does Kongregate not have ANY standards anymore?

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Why?

My theory is that we’re being trolled.

http://www.kongregate.com/forums/1-kongregate/topics/290394-yo-dawg

Contest ends on the 2nd, so in response, I’m not visiting Kongregate until the 3rd. Only way I suspect they’ll get the point is if it reflects on their advertising.

 
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Topic: Kongregate / Yo dawg?

Really Kongregate? Really?

I got three problems with this:

1) It is quite literally the dumbest AND most unoriginal quest idea you could have possibly come up with.
2) This came after you had ALL OF US submit quest ideas.
3) Papa’s Freezeria.

Yup. We’re being trolled.

 
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Topic: Call of Gods / COG Christmas Event is Coming!!!

The CoG crew evidently couldn’t give half a crap about anyone but the VIP players, and can’t be bothered to do anything except come up with more reasons for the VIPs to spend more money.

Little do they realize that the #1 reason the rest of us are NOT spending any money on this game is because they evidently couldn’t give half a crap about anyone but the VIP players.

It’s a vicious chicken/egg sort of thing: They treat us like dirt because we won’t fork over our money, and we won’t fork over our money because they treat us like dirt.

Oh well. Bah humbug right back at them.

 
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Topic: Call of Gods / [Suggestion] Have a suggestion? This is the place.

My honest advice? Drop the [expletive] capacity to raid!

Seriously, the grind in this game is borderline-unforgivable by default. You can’t just let your resources slowly collect since you decided to include that “temporary storage” garbage, so collecting resources to upgrade your castle is both irritating and time-consuming.

Giving other players the opportunity to steal your resources just compounds the grind in this game. And, since you can’t hire enough heroes to adequately quest and defend your castle at the same time until Level 60 means you are often left completely vulnerable to raid and have to choose between playing defense or playing the game.

You’ve not only ALLOWED players to torment each other in this game, you’ve ENCOURAGED them to do so. That in of itself makes this one of the most miserable gaming experiences I’ve ever had in my life.

I repeat: This game is hard enough and takes long enough without having to deal with your VIP-status douchebags all the time. I know you want those idiots to be happy because they’re spending money on you, but it’s precisely because of those jerks that I WON’T be spending money on this game.

Seriously, cut the crap already. If you won’t stop the raids, at least cut out the quest ENCOURAGING gamers to raid. This game has enough problems without having to put up with trollers all the time.

 
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Topic: Call of Gods / [Bug] Need help? Find a bug? This is the place.

Whenever I try to open a treasure chest, I get a message stating that my inventory is full.

 
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Topic: Call of Gods / Binds when equipped?

Does that mean it won’t come off of the hero, or just that I won’t be able to sell / delete it after doing so?