Recent posts by Voxequitis on Kongregate

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Topic: Forum Games / Last 3 Letters into 3 New Words

Gaminesque gals singsong.

 
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Topic: Forum Games / Last 3 Letters into 3 New Words

Obsolete bandwagon swagger.

 
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Topic: Forum Games / Last 3 Letters into 3 New Words

Inexorable cantering erupts.

 
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Topic: Forum Games / Last 3 Letters into 3 New Words

Astral cinders explode.

 
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Topic: The Arts / Arts Forum mods...

When I write to this forum, I’m not providing you an invitation to speculate on the merits of my ideas.

By contributing to the forum you instantly acknowledge that moderators may look at your posts. Being moderators, they have the will to alter your post if they deem it inappropriate.

In this Arts Forum, the moderators are not editors.

The moderators don’t revise work, they simply delete it. In that sense you could call them editors.

To think so, and particularly to act on it, is an act of gross misconduct.

Which part of the conduct are they violating?

Here’s what makes a community.

An inferiority isn’t subject to change the community.

These are your peers, not your children.

We are not peers with the mods; to be peers we must share the same social status. They are the higher echelons of a hierarchy.

A community needs a record of the resident’s contribution. This is vital. People need to see that they’ve left their mark on the place, for better or worse.

Why would you need a record of something abandoned or downrated? If you want a personal copy, keep it in a document.

It’s not your job to decide what’s “appropriate,” but rather what is a literal violation of the TOA.

Something inappropriate is a violation of the TOA.

You shape the history of the community by contributing, not moderating.

By this logic we should rename them contributors and revoke their title as moderators.

For a community to thrive, its residents need to feel welcome, respected, and comfortable.

You seem to be the only one complaining.

By flagrantly deleting my posts, or anyone’s, for that matter, you are telling that person quite literally that they are not welcome in this community.

No, the vulgar post was not welcome. You are still welcome.

You’ve successfully alienated me from this place yet again.

You said earlier that you have never been “reprimanded, silenced, or banned.” Clearly you don’t feel alienated if you’re still here.

Last but not least, a quote from the conduct: “Know that moderators will not always make decisions with which you agree.” Get over it.

 
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Topic: The Arts / My Poetry...

A poem’s essence is theme, understanding and quality. With such short poems and lack of the aforementioned merits it’s appeal is severed and left dangling on a thread of unchastity. If you enjoy inditing short poems you should stick to something like haiku, senryu or tanka for better form.

 
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Topic: Forum Games / Last 3 Letters into 3 New Words

Necrolatry tribulates sanity.

 
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Topic: Forum Games / Last 3 Letters into 3 New Words

Ebbermen are tetchy.

 
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Topic: Forum Games / Last 3 Letters into 3 New Words

Mascarons excite serenity.

 
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Topic: The Arts / Writing

Beauty
Define beautiful:
Ideals and expectations,
Or imperfections.

She Looked So Fine
Upon secrets
And lies
Was built commitment,
Their plague
Always
Hidden by kisses
In our once wide, open mouths
Of innocence.

Your concrete stick
Broke me, there was
No twist to try,
No call of freedom;
Yet through today’s gaze,
Yesterday’s shapes now have become
Rounded. Even smooth. And sometimes
Just heartbreakingly laughable
To this one life
Now
Ebbing
Away.

My finger
Remains unmoved
At my side,
My realization
Is now my cancer.

 
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Topic: The Arts / I painted Edgar Allan Poe, here he is :)

Nice work! You embedded the allusion to “The Raven” very well.

 
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Topic: The Arts / What do you think of this so far?

It’s obvious that you enjoy writing and you would like to get better. I personally believe it’s best to let a mediocre writer keep writing rather than instructing him on writing; I can help you with grammar, but your actual writing proficiency needs to develop more before I offer complete criticism. Write more and read everything, you’ll evolve quickly. :)

I would like to see you revise the last half of your story yourself. You should be able to change a lot if you reference to the notes I gave you.

 
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Topic: The Arts / What do you think of this so far?

Yes yes, weird spelling of Chris and all that.

Proper grammar would be “Yes, yes, weird spelling of Chris and all that.”

I’ve heard it all before, and I’m pretty much bored of hearing that over and over.

It’s inferred that you’re bored of hearing it repeatedly if you’ve heard it all before. Leave the second part out.

Chrys is 13.

Sudden transition to third-person. Fixate on one perspective. Also, spell out your numbers. Use this as a reference to writing out numbers.

His jet black hair with the shocking purple breaking up the darkness stuns even those most skeptic of his style.

Jet-black is cliché, change the sentence to something similar to “He had coal-black hair with eccentric streaks of purple.” Skeptic means to doubt an accepted opinion; if skeptics are already dubious of his hair, they won’t be stunned by it.

The inch-long strands of hair shimmer clean and bright.

Hair of only an inch is quite short to “shimmer clean and bright.” Add a few inches.

His eyes are a violet-y red and his skin pale from lack of pigment.

Change to something like “His eyes are a spectrum of indigo and russet, his skin pale like the autumn Moon.”

He wears T-shirts that seem to go well with him, but would look out of place on others. A shirt in purple, navy and yellow, with the buttons left undone, revealing his pale and muscular chest.

It’s a little weird to see someone with their shirt fully unbuttoned; I suggest revising his unbuttoned shirt to something more traditional, like a V-neck.

Chinos clothe legs that move hypnotically when he walks, swishing with his every move.

“Hypnotically” is wrong wording, replace it with something like “methodically.” Also, Chinos usually fit the leg firmly; unless Chrys walks really tight, the Chinos won’t swish like windbreaker pants.

On his feet there is nothing. No socks, no shoes, nothing. His toughened soles step lightly upon broken glass, yet he feels no pain.

While this sounds gallant, his feet would still bleed. I advise giving him boat shoes, shoes that are thin and casual and still match his outfit.

His voice is deep yet friendly and smooth. It heals the ears and soothes the mind, like a lullaby to a baby.

Very nice imagery, I really like these sentences. Include a semicolon between them.

On his hands he has one ring with a single gemstone. The gem glimmers a deep purple, almost as hypnotic as his eyes.

Change to something like “He wears a single ring on his left hand that carries a beautiful amethyst (purple gemstone.)” I suggest leaving out the relation to his eyes; it sounds like your forcing gloating on your character.

I walk down the deserted alleyway.

Again, a sudden change of perspective.

As my gentle footsteps resonate around me, I begin to wonder what my mum would say to my newfound occupation.

Gentle footsteps don’t resonate.

She wouldn’t be best pleased, I can say that without a shadow of doubt!

Because of the previous sentence you can leave this one out. We can infer that she wouldn’t be pleased.

I can just imagine: “Chrys! Why the FUCK are you doing this horrendous work?!

Unless there will be a lot of mature content in this story, leave swearing out. Swear words instantly limit your audience.

You disappoint me, and have done since you were 4!

Spell out your numbers.

Ah well, who cares what she thinks?

Don’t include rhetorical questions.

I mean, she went berserk when I got one of my ears pierced.

Don’t include past incidents if you don’t elaborate. Leave this sentence out.

“YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING PIRATE YOU MORONIC PRICK!” she said.

By using an exclamation point you comprise interjection so caps aren’t needed. Besides, words in caps disrupt eyeline (Journalism term meaning the line across the page, sometimes imaginary) and look ugly.

 
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Topic: The Arts / Poetry Land

Prestidigitation
The pins pop my eyes
And shatter my masquerade
Of legerdemain.

Of Earth Cries and Sun Tears
Paralyzed world but for the laminate raindrops,
Like hail-storming teardrops, bruising rough tree tops,
Faster than falling falcons they plummet, fall—
Fall from broken skies and sorrow-filled clouds.

Where in this ministry of howling wind hymns
Do we sing, sing of redemption, salvation, creation?
Let violins vanquish the floods and harps heal
The Earth, where we stand, pray, dream and live.

Soiled, savaged whilst we boil the seas and scorch
The skies, leaving tears in the Sun’s eyes, laminated.
Ravaged is Mother’s wish; like spoiled meat, our scent
Is tarnished and our time soon to be disposed of.