Recent posts by Ize_ on Kongregate

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Topic: Off-topic / When is someone going to port the Chatrooms and Forums to Mobile?

Am i the only one thinking this would be a good idea? I would definitely be on more if i were able to just use chat and keep up on topics while i’m not near a computer.

 
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Topic: The Arts / The Arts as a new home?

I used to be an OT addict. I was on there everyday with older accounts. What can i expect if i make the transition from OT and begin to frequent The Arts? Are there any well known members here? Are the people nicer? I know OT can be cruel sometimes and i hope that is not the case here. I realize not everyone is an angel, but there is an overflow of sarcasm in there. Thank you .

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Name something OVERRATED

Ebola.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Describe The User Above

Not a human, that’s for sure.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Best smelling Deodorant?

This may have been asked before, as i believe that’s where i got the idea to find out. What are your opinions?

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Those little things.

What are those little things that happen everyday to you and make you smile?

 
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Topic: Off-topic / baseball bat fix?

Probably wrong place to ask, but worth a shot. i found an old wooden bat with a nice little split in the wood near the end of the barrel. the bat itself seems a little worn out too. Any idea on how to fix up the split wood and kinda restore the bat closely to its former state?

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Writing a New Story

Originally posted by adv0catus:

Is this an excerpt?

Yes. this is an excerpt of an un finished story written by me.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Writing a New Story

Originally posted by Fronebular:

The edited version is actually far more legible than the original.

Practice a bit more and try to format your stories like you were just shown. How many novels have you read where all of the text was just one giant continuous paragraph?

typing it in word. i did: Indent, space paragraphs and actually use paragraphs.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Writing a New Story

Originally posted by MmeBunneh:
Originally posted by Ize_:

if anyone could give me some feedback on this that’d be great!

First of all, let me take the time to edit your piece. You have several errors when it comes to grammar. When in speech, you must use a comma instead of a period.

Example: “No,” I said in reply to Raider.

And from here on out, let me edit your story quick.

“Take it.”
“No,” I replied to Raider. He pushed the parcel against my chest and a gun against my throat.

“Take it!” he screamed. I had never heard that much anger in his voice before. Although I knew it wasn’t anger, it was fear. We had been living off of fear for the past 3 weeks. Broken dreams and lost loves, practically memories. Then I heard police sirens. Raider and I quickly dodged behind a crate aside the road. After all that running, I could see him gasping for his breath. The sirens faded and we sprang out from behind the chest.

“Take a look at this,” Raider said, pointing to a marking on the crate. Big red letters that spelled out “quarantine drop,” were stamped against the top of the crate. Together, Raider and I hauled ass back to the campsite with the crate. Eventually, we arrived at the camp. Everyone gathered around the crate, wondering what it held.

“We found this crate along the highway,” I went on to explain, pointing their attention towards the lettering. Just then, a shockwave blew past the campsite. A single rush of blue light ended with a loud explosion.

My ears were ringing violently. I tried to say, “Is everyone okay?” but not being able to hear myself or anyone else didn’t give me a clear answer. After about 30 seconds of stumbling around the campsite. I had blacked out and fell to the ground.

I have to say, I would omit several things in your story already. I would most definitely omit, “Broken dreams and lost loves, practically memories” because it is completely random and unnecessary with the police sirens. I edited how you wrote several sentences, because you tried to write them more ‘dramatically’ but they failed to come across as so.

Sometimes, the simplest ways of explaining are the best.

As my favorite English teacher said, show, don’t tell. Show the story, don’t tell it. It’s a hard concept to grasp but once you get it, your writing will be much more polished and neat. And interesting!

I hope that helps you.

Thank you for the corrections. i’ll try my best to fix them up!

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Writing a New Story

if anyone could give me some feedback on this that’d be great!

“Take it.”
“No.” I said in reply to Raider. He pushed the parcel against my chest and a gun against my throat.
“Take it!” He screamed. I had never heard that much anger in his voice before. Although I knew it wasn’t anger, it was fear. We had been living off of fear for the past 3 weeks. Broken dreams and lost loves, memories practically. Another memory flooded my mind: Police sirens. Raider and I quickly dodged behind a crate aside the road. I could see his breath, gasping for it still, after all that running. The sirens faded and we sprang out from behind the chest.
“Take a look at this.” Raider said pointing to a marking on the crate. Big red letters that spelled out “Quarantine drop” were stamped against the top of the crate. Together, Raider and I hauled ass back to the campsite with the crate. Eventually, we arrived at the camp. Everyone gathered around the crate, wondering what it held.
“We found this crate along the highway.” I went on to explain, pointing their attention towards the lettering. Just then, a shockwave blew past the campsite. A single rush of blue light ended with a loud explosion.
My ears were ringing violently. I tried to say “Is everyone okay?” but not being able to hear myself or anyone else didn’t give me a clear answer. After about 30 seconds of stumbling around the campsite. I had blacked out and fell to the ground.

 
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Topic: Game Programming / Anyone good with smartphones

I recently received a galaxy centura and was wondering if anyone could point me towards a way of rooting it?

 
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Topic: Off-topic / FeedBack please?

So i recently started a youtube channel and have been doing COD montages. could you please check them out and give me some editing tips?

http://www.youtube.com/user/MyselfAndGaming?feature=mhee

 
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Topic: Off-topic / If you play COD Then this is for you

I want to test my WMM Skills by putting together a COD Quickscope/random kills montage. If you have 5-10 second clips that i could use then that would be great.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Idiots in your school

Originally posted by listle6:

“I don’t need good grades, I got swag” I heard this today. I don’t know if it’s some hipster meme I haven’t heard about but it’s filling my school with a horrendous cancer.

I hope swag can pay the bills.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / I have 70 bucks to spend

Originally posted by Raelito:

transfer 20$ to my paypal

I’m gonna need your paypal password.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / I have 70 bucks to spend

Originally posted by Rolby:

uhm… ask for more GB RAM for ur pc.

I’m fine on RAM.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / I have 70 bucks to spend

Well technically. i can ask for 70 more dollars worth of christmas presents.
I already have what i want.
What should i ask for?

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Kongristmas Secret Greg ~ Delivery Christmas Morning

I’m in.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / The Official Furry Thread ;3

I’m just a golden wolf with blue eyes that shift colors every once in awhile.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Mods, do not come in this thread. We are planning your birthdays :>>>>>>>

Originally posted by dragonologist23:
Originally posted by LukeMann:
Originally posted by SpearDudezor:

I was gonna make this thread but I didn’t know MadJedi’s birthday :(

May 19th.

Actually, MJ’s birthday is September 20th, but I guess May 19th is close enough. ^^

Ha. We share a birthday.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Will i be conned by sony?

So i bought a playstation vita. And recently. Getting out of the car i dropped it in a puddle. Everything still works except the home button and trigger keys. Do i send it to sony,fix it myself or bring it to someone techy? No warranty was purchased.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Armistice day sucks

Yes but it still caries the same meaning. So either way he will think both days “suck”. But it’s actually one of the most important dates we celebrate.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Armistice day sucks

Yes but armistice day is now veterans day. So it’s kinda the same thing.

 
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Topic: Off-topic / Good Minecraft texture packs?

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