Yes, pretend I’m in your head. Though technically, I already am, but you don’t know how I really sound. I’m in your head through the voice you read with through these words.
______________________________________________________________
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.
— Albert Einstein
______________________________________________________________
Anyway, like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sautee it. Dey’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. Tha- that’s about it.
______________________________________________________________
There is only one god, and its name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: “Not today.”
______________________________________________________________
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
______________________________________________________________
Haikus are easy
But they sometimes don’t make sense
Refrigerator
______________________________________________________________
One does not simply win an argument against a woman.
______________________________________________________________
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. ______________________________________________________________
It’s better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
______________________________________________________________
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
______________________________________________________________
Professionals are predictable. It’s the amateurs that are dangerous.
______________________________________________________________
The only difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.
______________________________________________________________
Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
______________________________________________________________
A real person has two reasons for doing anything… a good reason and the real reason.
______________________________________________________________
I once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly found out it didn’t work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
______________________________________________________________
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
______________________________________________________________
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
______________________________________________________________
Why do they call it “common sense” when it’s so rare?
______________________________________________________________
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
______________________________________________________________
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people in the world?
______________________________________________________________
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
______________________________________________________________
A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
______________________________________________________________
People who think they know what they’re doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
______________________________________________________________
No shoes, No shirt, No service… So do I have to wear pants?
______________________________________________________________
The only way to get rid of corruption in high places is to get rid of high places.
______________________________________________________________
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way. Wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
______________________________________________________________
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
______________________________________________________________
I remember when legal used to mean lawful. Now it means some kind of loophole.
______________________________________________________________
The correct way to dispose of a new television box is to place it in your neighbor’s front lawn so you don’t get robbed.
______________________________________________________________
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born fifteen minutes ago. It looks like a potato.
______________________________________________________________
Remember never to drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill it.
______________________________________________________________
There is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just pray that it isn’t a train.
______________________________________________________________
Nothing brings people closer than a common enemy.
______________________________________________________________
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
______________________________________________________________
When people talk to God, it’s called prayer. When God talks back, it’s called schizophrenia.
______________________________________________________________
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
______________________________________________________________
Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business.
______________________________________________________________
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
______________________________________________________________
The surest way to ruin a man who doesn’t know how to handle money is to give him some.
______________________________________________________________
If you think things can’t get worse, it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
______________________________________________________________
If practice makes perfect and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
______________________________________________________________
You never learn anything by doing it right.
______________________________________________________________
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
______________________________________________________________
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
______________________________________________________________
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
______________________________________________________________
Never interrupt your opponents while they are making mistakes.
______________________________________________________________
It’s not that I don’t pay attention to detail. I just ignore it.
______________________________________________________________
Whoever said nothing is impossible clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.
______________________________________________________________
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.
______________________________________________________________
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
______________________________________________________________
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
______________________________________________________________
The trouble isn’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning isn’t distributed right.
______________________________________________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
______________________________________________________________
The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.
______________________________________________________________
A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely.
______________________________________________________________
Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.
______________________________________________________________
Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest.
______________________________________________________________
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
______________________________________________________________
A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.
______________________________________________________________
The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.
______________________________________________________________
Women socialize by complimenting each other, but not really meaning it. Men socialize by insulting each other, but not really meaning it.
______________________________________________________________
Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it.
______________________________________________________________
The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.
______________________________________________________________
An optimist says the cup is half full. A pessimist says the cup is half empty. An engineer says the cup is twice the size it needs to be.
______________________________________________________________
If it’s stupid but works, it isn’t stupid.
______________________________________________________________
It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
______________________________________________________________
Anger breeds nothing but destruction of living things, objects and relationships. Anger is born from our frustration about things that happened or didn’t happen. When frustration sets in, stay calm and you’ll find the answers.
______________________________________________________________
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
______________________________________________________________
Every artist was once an amateur.
______________________________________________________________
It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.
______________________________________________________________
Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
______________________________________________________________
Be nice to people on your way up, because you will need them on your way down.
______________________________________________________________
The person who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more.
______________________________________________________________
Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
______________________________________________________________
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
______________________________________________________________
When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.
______________________________________________________________
We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, but to create something that will.
______________________________________________________________
The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.
______________________________________________________________
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.
______________________________________________________________
If you expect the world to be fair to you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat it.
______________________________________________________________
If you don’t build your dream, someone else will hire you to build theirs.
______________________________________________________________
Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you anywhere.
______________________________________________________________
Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.
______________________________________________________________
There are two different kinds of people in this world: Those who finish what they start, and
______________________________________________________________
Duck of the KDLM group.
Yes, pretend I’m in your head. Though technically, I already am, but you don’t know how I really sound. I’m in your head through the voice you read with through these words.
______________________________________________________________
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.
— Albert Einstein
______________________________________________________________
Anyway, like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sautee it. Dey’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. Tha- that’s about it.
______________________________________________________________
There is only one god, and its name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: “Not today.”
______________________________________________________________
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
______________________________________________________________
Haikus are easy
But they sometimes don’t make sense
Refrigerator
______________________________________________________________
One does not simply win an argument against a woman.
______________________________________________________________
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. ______________________________________________________________
It’s better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
______________________________________________________________
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
______________________________________________________________
Professionals are predictable. It’s the amateurs that are dangerous.
______________________________________________________________
The only difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.
______________________________________________________________
Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
______________________________________________________________
A real person has two reasons for doing anything… a good reason and the real reason.
______________________________________________________________
I once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly found out it didn’t work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
______________________________________________________________
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
______________________________________________________________
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
______________________________________________________________
Why do they call it “common sense” when it’s so rare?
______________________________________________________________
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
______________________________________________________________
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people in the world?
______________________________________________________________
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
______________________________________________________________
A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
______________________________________________________________
People who think they know what they’re doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
______________________________________________________________
No shoes, No shirt, No service… So do I have to wear pants?
______________________________________________________________
The only way to get rid of corruption in high places is to get rid of high places.
______________________________________________________________
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way. Wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
______________________________________________________________
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
______________________________________________________________
I remember when legal used to mean lawful. Now it means some kind of loophole.
______________________________________________________________
The correct way to dispose of a new television box is to place it in your neighbor’s front lawn so you don’t get robbed.
______________________________________________________________
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born fifteen minutes ago. It looks like a potato.
______________________________________________________________
Remember never to drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill it.
______________________________________________________________
There is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just pray that it isn’t a train.
______________________________________________________________
Nothing brings people closer than a common enemy.
______________________________________________________________
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
______________________________________________________________
When people talk to God, it’s called prayer. When God talks back, it’s called schizophrenia.
______________________________________________________________
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
______________________________________________________________
Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business.
______________________________________________________________
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
______________________________________________________________
The surest way to ruin a man who doesn’t know how to handle money is to give him some.
______________________________________________________________
If you think things can’t get worse, it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
______________________________________________________________
If practice makes perfect and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
______________________________________________________________
You never learn anything by doing it right.
______________________________________________________________
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
______________________________________________________________
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
______________________________________________________________
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
______________________________________________________________
Never interrupt your opponents while they are making mistakes.
______________________________________________________________
It’s not that I don’t pay attention to detail. I just ignore it.
______________________________________________________________
Whoever said nothing is impossible clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.
______________________________________________________________
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.
______________________________________________________________
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
______________________________________________________________
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
______________________________________________________________
The trouble isn’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning isn’t distributed right.
______________________________________________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
______________________________________________________________
The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.
______________________________________________________________
A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely.
______________________________________________________________
Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.
______________________________________________________________
Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest.
______________________________________________________________
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
______________________________________________________________
A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.
______________________________________________________________
The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.
______________________________________________________________
Women socialize by complimenting each other, but not really meaning it. Men socialize by insulting each other, but not really meaning it.
______________________________________________________________
Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it.
______________________________________________________________
The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.
______________________________________________________________
An optimist says the cup is half full. A pessimist says the cup is half empty. An engineer says the cup is twice the size it needs to be.
______________________________________________________________
If it’s stupid but works, it isn’t stupid.
______________________________________________________________
It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
______________________________________________________________
Anger breeds nothing but destruction of living things, objects and relationships. Anger is born from our frustration about things that happened or didn’t happen. When frustration sets in, stay calm and you’ll find the answers.
______________________________________________________________
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
______________________________________________________________
Every artist was once an amateur.
______________________________________________________________
It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.
______________________________________________________________
Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
______________________________________________________________
Be nice to people on your way up, because you will need them on your way down.
______________________________________________________________
The person who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more.
______________________________________________________________
Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
______________________________________________________________
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
______________________________________________________________
When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.
______________________________________________________________
We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, but to create something that will.
______________________________________________________________
The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.
______________________________________________________________
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.
______________________________________________________________
If you expect the world to be fair to you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat it.
______________________________________________________________
If you don’t build your dream, someone else will hire you to build theirs.
______________________________________________________________
Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you anywhere.
______________________________________________________________
Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.
______________________________________________________________
There are two different kinds of people in this world: Those who finish what they start, and
______________________________________________________________
Duck of the KDLM group.
 "duckyrox358")