When I die, I hope to go peacefully in my sleep, like my father. Not screaming and flailing, like his passengers…
As a Satanist, I told my girlfriend that she had to give up her yoga lessons, she said that I had to let the people in my cellar go. I told her that we both had to make sacrifices…
My local Lord Of The Rings themed restaurant is only taking phone bookings, apparently one does not simply walk into order…
I knew a high court judge who moonlighted as a doctor, he ended up trying his own patients.
Holy crap, I’m tired. I decided to take advantage of the Chinese pharmaceutical industry and went to Africa to poach a rhino….Have you any idea idea how big a saucepan or how much boiling water that requires????!!!!
I have a friend who worked in a furniture factory. He got some terrible injuries after falling into the re-upholstering machine. But it’s ok, last I heard was that he was fully recovered….
We have a TV channel called Yesterday, that shows mostly repeats.
But apparently The day After Tomorrow is on Yesterday next thursday……confusing
The other day I saw a bald, rotund, smiling oriental man wearing yellow robes. I ran up to him and asked him if he was the enlightened leader of an Asian religion…he said no. Afterwards, I thought, I can’t believe it’s not Buddha.
I was thrown out of my local anarchist group for breaking their rules.
Last week, whilst in a restaurant, the waiter came over and asked me if I liked my meat rare? I replied yes. He said, good, enjoy your white rhino steak.
My uncle is a grave digger, he suffered a breakdown at a funeral last month, he totally lost the plot…
I have come up with an idea, 70’s style trousers covered with photo-voltaic cells so they generate energy from light…. I call them solar flares
I once met what I thought was a slug, turned out it was a snail who couldn’t keep up his mortgage payments. I once met a slightly hard of hearing genii who granted me 1 wish. When I looked up, there was a foot high little guy in a black suit playing a tiny piano. I looked at the genii and said, no, not a twelve inch pianist… If all the security personnel working for religious cults suddenly resigned, would that result in unprotected sects? Does anyone else think that the good guys in Lord Of The Rings should have made a small space to treat their enemies in their hospitals? Or would that have been a little orc ward?