I’m a gamer, obviously. And I’m now a senior in college, hydrogeology major. I hate children, and anybody who acts stupid in chat will receive my full and unrelenting wrath.
BEST CANTINA QUOTES
TehUberAhsem: HOOTERS HOOTERS!
dwinters: YUM YUM YUM
TehUberAhsem: HOOTERS HOOTERS!
dwinters: ON A GIRL THATS DUMB
Vorpal_Steak: tosses Dune’s panties on stage for Nemo
Vorpal_Steak: I totally think the rainbow princesss should’ve hallucinated all rainbow princess and care bear names with other coconuts. :)
TehUberAhsem: Your MOTHER is a WOMAN!
Surkasu: gasp wat a twist!
dwinters: well… YOUR mother is a COCKroach
dwinters: OM LAM LAM LAM
Nemoso: DDUBS! OM LAM LAM LAM!
Akkenru: I did a shit in my shower today…I couldn’t hold it and knew I wasn’t going to make it out and onto the toilet in time :o(
Akkenru: After I shat I spent about 10-15 minutes holding the shower nozzle over it to get it to disintegrate…in the end I had to step on it and squidge it to help it break up
Akkenru: I decided it was a better idea to use a designated urine bottle after one time I pissed into a beer bottle then woke up the next day and thought it was an unfinished one from the night before and drank some of it
AndroidKO: Mon, you bribed Nemo with your boobs to hack into my circut board?
Vorpal_Steak: My mother is a robot!
Vorpal_Steak: Don’t tell her that. She might rip your arms off.
TehUberAhsem: She can rip me to shreds, but my amazingness will still stand.
TehUberAhsem: For I am Strikes a pose Ahsem!
Vorpal_Steak: My eyes no longer function. My computer beams it all to my brain directly.
mykexyz: well there’s like 5 levels of veg or something these days
lorddaemonicus1: man i only know 1 level of vag
Kuramon: So Hell is cheating on my mom with your mom who’s cheating on your father while my mom is cheating on YOU?!
Terry_Allen: We need to have a serious conversation with Kura’s Mother.
Hellraiser1977: I think that we do terry….
Kuramon: Why does that make me feel like you’re gonna have a threesome with my mother?
Nemoso: id photoshop damsels tits on sc1z’s body with navs cock and ahsems ass Nemoso: and masturbate furiously to it
Nemoso: the only thing i dont really like about old porn is that john holmes and ron jeremy are in almost all of them.
Nemoso: even from a homo point of view, ron jeremy aint much to look at.
Nemoso: it’s like the chicks are being plowed by super mario
Nemoso: have you seen his cock?
Nemoso: it’s like 9001 ft long
Akkenru: I shat EVERYWHERE earlier…it was awesome
Akkenru: well not quite everywhere but all over the bedroom and en-suite
Akkenru: See I was on the phone to my mum and I needed a pooh…but I thought I’d be off the phone fairly quickly so I held it in…then a little bit squeezed out so I thought…OH, it’s a wet pooh I need to go to the toilet
Akkenru: So I was in bed at the time and I sat up, but the movement squeezed more pooh out, so by this time I was on my knees, shit coming out of my arse, phone in my hand and freaking out
Akkenru: so I stuck my hand under my arse to prevent a big load just going splat on the bed and stood up…even more squeezed out and it was running down my legs by this point and dripping on the bed and the floor…then I quickly ran to the en-suite
Akkenru: it dropping everywhere and stuck my arse over the pan and managed to coat the toilet seat and half the floor with little splodges
Akkenru: it went on the towels and a bath robe too…and my hand when I brought it out looked like the Golgothan thing from Dogma and stank like something that shouldn’t exist
TehUberAhsem: I think you should start wearing adult diapers, Akk.
kikicoops: akk, silenced
Nemoso: akk, pics or it didnt happen
SaintWacko: how long do oyou think it’ll be before he comes back on an alt?
Akks_Mangina: So I was getting rid of that off my hand and the water in the sink made it splash on my razor and the toothbrushes. So I had to replace the toothbrushes and the duvet cos they were all ruined. It was all just nasty
Ysandra: The girlfriend was in too and she wondered why I was making a fuss…then when I came down with a bundle of soiled towels and stuff and said “Er…I had an accident and shat everywhere”
Ysandra: she just stared at me
Ysandra: Then I told her that I’d got some on her bath robe and slippers and she looked like she was going to cry
Joes_Morgue: Lets do Kiki!
lorddaemonicus1: i was fapping so vigorously my bone structure couoldnt handle it
Akkenru: I did a shit earlier today and some of it was out of the water…and I looked at it and the bit above the water was dark and the bit below the water was lighter…isn’t that so cool and fascinating?
Akkenru: Women’s pubes are hairy
Nemoso: shitting an adult kiki would probably hurt
Akkenru: There’s a great trick you can do with chewing gum just for giggles. If you have long hair then you stick the gum to a few strands and then swish your hair so the gum swings round your head and back in your mouth…where you can continue to chew it…
Akkenru: lol, I was just playing with a craft knife and I dropped it, went to catch it and have impaled myself with it
monmon435: so now your bleeding?
Akkenru: kind of…I’ve got a big wad of kitchen roll pressed against it
Akkenru: it’s not deep or anything, about half an inch…should stop bleeding in a moment
Akkenru: well I didn’t think…I went to catch it and in my efforts I pushed it into my tummy
Akkenru: I think I’m gonna need a pooh now
Akkenru: Well…I cut my abdomen mon, it caused my tummy to go all tight and stuff so the activity and discomfort is stimulating my bowel to evacuate itself
Akkenru: I think 2011 is going to be a bad year for me
Akkenru: I just sat on the same knife :o( I went for a pooh and left the knife on the sofa, came back and forgot it was there and cut the back of my leg open now as well
Nemoso: akk, why do you have all these sharp objects on your sofa
Nemoso: if im sitting on a soda and say, eating. my utensils go back on the disk. i dont tuck them in the cushions where im sitting
Nemoso: KEYS ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER
Nemoso: THOSE KEYS ARE CLOSE TOO
Akkenru: I don’t Nemo…I was fiddling with it…well I was seeing how far I could cut the skin on my fingers without making them bleed actually, then I dropped the knife…caught it and in the process, stabbed myself
Akkenru: then I needed a pooh…so I left the knife on the sofa and went for one and came back and sat on it
Nemoso: HURR DURR, LET ME SEE HOW DEEP I CAN CUT WITHOUT BLEEDING
monmon435: my brothers stupid friend left his OJ here
Akkenru: OJ? Is that to do with OJ Simpson or is it slang for a black man?
Akkenru: Nemo…it can’t be any worse than when I lost the fondue fork and it hid behind the cushion until it came out and stabbed me when I leant near it one time
Akkenru: I’ve had 6 pints of guinness, roughly a bottle and a half of champagne and 2 drams of whisky
Akkenru: my arse hurts…well, the back of my leg just under my arse
Nemoso: ?did you sit on a knife or something
Akkenru: ok…I’m really going now. I just dropped a glass on the floor and it broke. Luckily I didn’t cut myself with it, but I think someone’s trying to give me a message that I shouldn’t still be up and doing things with potentially lethal objects
Akkenru: ok I like little boys
Akkenru: when I go to bite the girlfriend, she pinches my neck…sometimes we end up in a stalemate with her arm in my mouth and my neck in her hand just looking at each other
Akkenru: I bit one of my fellow students once in the lab and got a white-hot innoculation loop pressed on the back of my hand :o(
Akkenru: I saw an arm and thought ‘ooh I’d quite like to bite that’
Akkenru: I like wood
Akkenru: also if you have a medium-large dog your penis will fit in it’s arsehole so you can use it as a sex toy for a bit as well
DarthNemo: i imagine akk riding my penis
Akkenru: I think people convicted of sex crimes such as rape and molestering children and animals should be drowned in a massive cauldron of semen
grimes1: The internet is for porn, the internet is for porn, just grab your dick, and double click, for PORN PORN PORN
Akkenru: Just show me your hairy arse Joes…that’ll give me a hard time ;oD
WizardZombie: Akk just faps to James May.
Akkenru: oh hell yea…James May is so awesome, with his manly curls of hair…I nearly broke my prostate when he and Oz were going around on their food and wine adventure
Nemoso: i dont get the whole jesus died for our sins thing anyway. he died because a bunch of crazy romans decided to kill him. that and his asshole friend sold him out to said romans
CONVO WE HAD WITH A 12 YEAR OLD:
monmon435: rofl, it says musterbators in my book
monmon435: guess what i read it as
DarthNemo: (ºд.ಠ) HURRRRRR
skatesoosick: wats up guys
Akkenru: (ºд.ಠ) HURRRRRR
Rockstar3410: I saw it like a marking period ago
Rockstar3410: It sucked….
DarthNemo: a marking period ago?
Rockstar3410: 1st Marking Period of the school year
monmon435: you measure time by markind periods?
Rockstar3410: after each report card yeah
monmon435: you should use months
Akkenru: I measure time in moments of interest
wilrox: being patiant sux
Rockstar3410: I remeber things that actually matter to me
Akkenru: usually a day isn’t complete until I’ve had 12 moments of interest, after which I go to bed
monmon435: last one was when the gf told you she didnt want to have kids because she doesnt want more hairy bastards running around?
DarthNemo: like masturbating your friend, rock?
monmon435: i have to run into 3 doors in a day
Akkenru: sometimes days can be up to 30 hours long
monmon435: masturbating your friend?
DarthNemo: he said something dopey yesterday about going to his friends house to fap
DarthNemo: so now i rip on him
Rockstar3410: No I don’t masturbate my freind I was joking about that whole thing okkk?
Akkenru: lol I just read what you put about the girlfriend mon
Akkenru: thanks for reminding me about that
DarthNemo: no, rock. it isnt.
Rockstar3410: I just watch the pron he watches on his computer
Akkenru: No Rock…you don’t joke about things like that
monmon435: its not really a joking matter
Rockstar3410: I didn’t jerk it over his house
monmon435: well why not
DarthNemo: i bet thats youre excuse for jacking it to tentacle rape
monmon435: if you were looking at porn
DarthNemo: “hurr durr, it’s my friends”
Akkenru: oh you wanked him while he was round yours?
Akkenru: That makes it all ok
monmon435: maybe nobody was masturbating at all
monmon435: maybe they were fukin each other
Rockstar3410: No one was
Akkenru: gay sex
monmon435: hope you wore a condom
Akkenru: haha busted
DarthNemo: not all gays have aids, mon.
Rockstar3410: I just watched porn nothing else
Akkenru: yea yea
monmon435: he should be on the safe side though nemo
DarthNemo: if i porked akk in the ass bareback, the worst id probably get is… asparagus
Rockstar3410: Then I played Halo Reach after the vid
monmon435: well thats boring
monmon435: so you masturbated to teh aliens?
monmon435: or the emus?
Akkenru: Nemo, you should wear a condom anyway because you’re quite likely to get a UTI from shagging a guy bareback up the arse
DarthNemo: you watched porn and then you reached over to fap him?
DarthNemo: youre sick, dude
Akkenru: unless he really cleans himself
monmon435: ah, you masturbated to kat, gotcha
Rockstar3410: No I watched Porn then played halo
DarthNemo: its weird that i knew what UTI stood for
monmon435: masturbated to kelly?
Akkenru: halo? That’s a new name for it
DarthNemo: i watched halo then played porn
Rockstar3410: No I was in deathmatch on xbox live
monmon435: ah, you were having xbox sex
DarthNemo: he had a deathmatch with his friends wiener
monmon435: like phone sex, but over the xbox
DarthNemo: only the chick on the phone isnt a 12 year old boy
Rockstar3410: Nooo I killed other people by killing them thats it
Akkenru: Rockstar…the hole gets deeper as you continue to post. You will never get out of the hole, you may as well stop otherwise you’ll be on the sex offenders register before the night is through
DarthNemo: get out of the hole
monmon435: pull out pull out!
DarthNemo: i tried to get out of the hole, but i was balls deep
Rockstar3410: Nemo is talking about ramming you in the asspipe
monmon435: thats a daily occurance
Akkenru: Is it wrong to have got a semi from this discussion?
monmon435: a little bit
DarthNemo: yeah, my sexy talk is an unstoppable force
Akkenru: I didn’t
DarthNemo: evidently, even mods have succumbed to my pervertedness.
monmon435: i think you lie
DarthNemo: or something
Akkenru: hey I aint succumbing anything!
Akkenru: I don’t do oral
monmon435: maybe you should try it
DarthNemo: we’re going to have to change that
monmon435: nemo is willing
Akkenru: I don’t like it…giving or receiving
DarthNemo: youd like it if i did oral on you
Rockstar3410: I have to shit be right back…
monmon435: thats nice rock
DarthNemo: rock has to go help his friend get rid of a boner
Akkenru: lol making sure you’re nice and clean for…LOVERBOY!
monmon435: this is so humorous
Akkenru: I did a pooh today
DarthNemo: in the tub?
Akkenru: in the toilet