phynight

Instructions on how to make a cup of tea:
1: Get some tea, generally sold in bags. PG Tips or Tetleys are the best, unless you like Earl Grey, in which case get some Fairtrade Earl Grey tea.

2. Put slightly more water into the kettle than will fit into your mug. Put it to boil, and put your teabag of choice into you mug.

3. THE INSTANT the kettle goes click (assuming you have and electric kettle and it clicks off once the water has boiled) you must pour the water from about 5-8cm above the mug onto the teabag. Leave at least 2.5-3cm of air in the mug if you want milk, and 1.5-2cm if you don’t.

4a (No milk). Wait for about 30 seconds and then remove the tea bag. Add sugar, or don’t.

4b. (With milk) Stare at the cup, concentrating as hard as you can while reciting Hamlet, for one whole minute. Then realize you are being silly and sit down and wait for a further 2 minutes. (Total 3 minutes, roughly the length of a song) Remove teabag, add sugar and while stirring add the milk. In that order.

5. Drink tea. Biscuits are recommended, as is cake.