Joveno

Driving down a desolate highway!
Headlights burning red, like a demon’s eyes

You see a shadow in your rear-view mirror…
You’ll never get off this road alive!

From the suicide doors to a moonlight fence,
hear glasspacked strawmen blowing in the wind

She’s a hitchiker’s nightmare, a mortician’s dream!
(Burning rubber en route 1915)

I turn on the ignition, with my skeleton key
Hear tires grinding there, as she screeches down the cemetery

My baby thinks I’m crazy, well I’ll get me a nurse
‘cause I’m in love with my 1960 Cadillac Hearse!

She’s not an inanimate object! Why can’t people see?
Fifty thousand miles of funerals, a charter cruise for eternity

My dad says I’m psycho, well I’ll get me a nurse
‘cause I’m in love with my 1960 Cadillac Hearse!

I can’t really explain it, what happened to me that night…
It wasn’t me that was driving; oh, I’ll never forget that sight!

As my hearse took me to the graveyard, I couldn’t believe my eyes!
A thousand rotting cadavers, they all began to rise!

Then I saw her behind the tombstone; yes, it was her the girl of my dreams!
So beautiful bare in the moonlight! So ghostly and serene!

‘Leave the world behind you’ she said, as she took me by the hand!
You belong here with us, now; the living don’t understand!

So, if you’re driving down a desolate highway,
headlights burning red like a demon’s eyes

You see a shadow in your rear-view mirror…
Well, have no fear; it’s just my baby and I!

From the suicide doors, to a moonlight fence,
hear glasspacked strawmen blowing in the wind

She’s a hitchiker’s nightmare, a mortician’s dream!
(Burning rubber en route 1915)

I love my baby, but you know who comes first;
‘cause I’m in love with my 1960 Cadillac Hearse!

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What follows is a really old message to Cockgregate from me that I care not to delete. It concerns a major change on the site’s layout that happened many years ago.
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Kongregate sucks.

At first I used to like it as a social gaming site. I was finding kong’s former user’s profile appearance good. Profiles were simple and pretty. All users’ badges, awards, favorite games etc were organized and shown beautifully in a profile.

But now? Kongregate pathetically tries to become a second facebook. Profiles have this idiotic “Activity Feed” that is filling up with crap, informing about every single thing the user does (friends they add, badges they earn, games they like). And below each of them there is the “Like” button. Like anyone cares that I got a medium badge in Learn To Fly, or that i added Don’t Shit Your Pants in my favorites.

Do you really think that users’ primary object in kong is to socialize? Or do you believe that with your changes you can become Facebook? No one even notices the “Like” buttons you made under each crap on “Activity Feed”. And why should they do?

Nothing in our profiles reminds that this is a gaming site anymore. I was about to keep my profile private, so that I hide this garbage from the Eyes of the World. But now I just want to have this message seen.

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I don’t use cheats. I puke at the sight of kongpanions, obsessive badge-hunting and, especially, the cancer of Idle Germs that has been infesting game sites like this.

Good think Kongregate removed the age and gender options, so that soft butts do not get hurt. I’m born on 1994.

Testimonies:

“He is really toxic and doesn’t want to help new players makes me sick that a player like him is on this site.”
-Sugerdady1999

“Jove is a sad fella.”
-ktrout42

“Since 1998, Joveno follows me from chatroom to chatroom. He is obsessed with me. I’m scared!”
-NotTommyBoy31

“It’s all good now. […] Just hope jove doesn’t come back.”
-SpaceGuyDudeMan