mkay, so tasi is kind of sad right now- she realizes that last year when she was actually on kong she had lots of friends, and now she’s lonely because everyones gone :(
“I hate so much about the things that you choose to be” -Michael (to Toby)
__________
Michael Scott: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here [the office], we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim Halpert: Does that include “That’s what she said?”
Michael Scott: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim Halpert: Wow. That is really hard. [Michael almost says it] You really think you can go all day long? [Michael nearly bursts trying not to say it] Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael Scott: That’s what she said!
__________
Michael Scott: I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.
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Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Michael Scott: Really?
Stanley: Oh yes. Let’s listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.
Michael Scott: God. Stanley, that’s frickin brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? I’m sorry…
Stanley: Oh, it’s OK. I did learn it on the streets. In the ghetto in fact.
Michael Scott: No kidding?
Stanley: [separate scene] This year it’s all about my bonus.
__________
[Michael reads off complaints filed by Dwight]
Michael Scott: OK, so Dwight, in your own words: “Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.”
Michael Scott: Everyone has called me “Dwayne” all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.
Jim Halpert: [to camera, laughs] Yes. Five bucks each, and it was totally worth it.
Michael Scott: This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer.
Michael Scott: Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women’s room, when I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.
Michael Scott: This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone.
Jim Halpert: [to camera] That actually took a while. I had to put- uh, more and more nickels into his handset until he got used to the weight, and then I just took them all out.
Michael Scott: Every time I typed my name, it said “Diapers”.
Jim Halpert: [to camera] Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don’t sound that funny, one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
Michael Scott: By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier.
Jim Halpert: [to camera] Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom, and that’s how I spent the entire day that day.
__________
Michael Scott: I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim Halpert: Oh, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: That’s a dog.
Pam: No, that’s afghan.
Michael Scott: That’s a shawl.
Dwight Schrute: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael Scott: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistananis. (smirks)
Michael Scott: Hey, no…no. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I’ve tried.
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