unusedglados

Test Chambers 00-02 "Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center." "We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one." "Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper." "Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur." "For your own safety and the safety of others, please refrain from-- [bzzzzzt]" "Por favor bordón de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias" "stand back. The portal will open in three, two, one." "Excellent. Please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test." "First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the exit." "This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it - for instance, the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube." If the player manages to take a cube into the material emancipation grill while the door is open "Please do not attempt to remove testing apparatus from the testing area." "A replacement Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube will be delivered shortly." "Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button." "Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamberlock, as the effects of prolonged exposure to the Button are not part of this test." "You're doing very well!" "Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi- rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."Receiving the Handheld Portal Device See also: Handheld Portal Device "Very good! You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device." "With it, you can create your own portals." "These intra-dimensional gates have proven to be completely safe." "The Device, however, has not." "Do not touch the operational end of The Device." "Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device." "Do not submerge The Device in liquid, even partially." "Most importantly, under no circumstances should you (static, slows to a stop)" Test Chambers 03-04 "Please proceed to the chamberlock. Mind the gap." "Well done! Remember: The Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested." "Welcome to test chamber four." "You're doing quite well." "Once again, excellent work." "As part of a required test protocol, we will not monitor the next test chamber. You will be entirely on your own. Good luck." Test Chambers 05-08 "As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication." "Good job! As part of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in three, two, [static]." "While safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals, the Aperture Science High Energy Pellet, seen to the left of the chamber, can and has caused permanent disabilities, such as vaporization." "Please be careful." "Unbelievable! You, Subject Name Here, must be the pride of Subject Hometown Here." "Warning devices are required on all mobile equipment. However, alarms and flashing hazard lights have been found to agitate the high energy pellet and have therefore been disabled for your safety." "Good. Now use the Aperture Science Unstationary Scaffold to reach the chamberlock." "Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record followed by death. Good luck!" "Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience."Test Chambers 09-11 "The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible." "Make no attempt to solve it." During the level: "The Enrichment Center apologizes for this clearly broken test chamber." "Once again, the Enrichment Center offers its most sincere apologies on the occasion of this unsolvable test environment." "Frankly, this chamber was a mistake. If we were you, we would quit now." "No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response." "Quit now and cake will be served immediately." "Fantastic! You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism." "Hello again. To reiterate [slows down] our previous [speeds up] warning: This test [garbled speech] -ward momentum." "Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not." "Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms: Speedy-thing goes in, speedy-thing comes out." "The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment." "In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice." "For instance, the floor here will kill you - try to avoid it." Upgrading the Handheld Portal Device "The Device has been modified so that it can now manufacture two linked portals at once." "As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact:" "The Device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in Subject Hometown Here." Test Chambers 12-16 "(garble) fling yourself. (garble) fling into sp- [bzzt]" "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee[bzzt]" "Now that you are in control of both portals, this next test could take a very, VERY, long time." "If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out." "An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline." "As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you." "When the testing is over, you will be missed." "All subjects intending to handle high-energy gamma leaking portal technology must be informed that they MAY be informed of applicable regulatory compliance issues." "No further compliance information is required or will be provided, and you are an excellent test subject!" "Very very good. A complimentary victory lift has been activated in the main chamber." "The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants." "Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test." "Thank you for helping us help you help us all." If the player is trapped in the High Energy Pellet receptor area "Through no fault of the Enrichment Center, you have managed to trap yourself in this room." "An escape hatch will open in three, two, one." "Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It's true!" "Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chamber for this testing sequence is currently unavailable." "It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids." "The Enrichment Center apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck." "Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance." Test Chamber 17"The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube in three, two, one." "This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through the test chamber. Please take care of it." "The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations." "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak." "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak." "In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice." "You did it! The Weighted Companion Cube certainly brought you good luck." "However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized." "Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator." "Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion Cube euthanizing process." "While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you." "Testing cannot continue until your Companion Cube has been incinerated." "Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, eight out of ten Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain." "The Companion Cube cannot continue through the testing. State and local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanize it." "Destroy your Companion Cube or the testing cannot continue." "You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations." Test Chamber 18 "The experiment is nearing its conclusion." "The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake." If a Storage Cube is lost in the goo at the bottom "Weighted Storage Cube destroyed." "Please proceed to the Aperture Science Vital Apparatus Vent for a replacement." If the player is trapped in the High Energy Pellet receptor area "Despite the best efforts of the Enrichment Center staff to ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, you have managed to ensnare yourself permanently inside this room." "A complimentary escape hatch will open in three, two, one." "Well done! Be advised that the next test requires exposure to uninsulated electrical parts that may be dangerous under certain conditions." "For more information, please attend an Enrichment Center Electrical Safety seminar." Test Chamber 19 "Welcome to the final test!" "When you are done, you will drop the Device in the equipment recovery annex." "Enrichment Center regulations require both hands to be empty before any cake-- [garbled]" "Congratulations! The test is now over." "All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin." "Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence." "Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity." "Goodbye." "What are you doing? Stop it! I... I... We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you." "We are very, very happy for your success." "We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success." "Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides." "A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party." "Make no further attempt to leave the testing area." "Assume the party escort submission position or you will miss the party."During escape "Hello?" "Where are you?" "I know you're there. I can feel you here." "What are you doing?" "You haven't escaped, you know." "You're not even going the right way." "Hello?" "Is anyone there?" "Okay. The test is over now. You win. Go back to the recovery annex. For your cake." "It was a fun test and we're all impressed at how much you won. The test is over. Come back." "Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they did it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back." "You're not even going the right way." "Where do you think you're going?" "Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going." "Hello?" "Didn't we have some fun, though?" "Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like [no way] and then I was all 'we pretended we were going to murder you'? That was great!" "Is anyone there?" "You really shouldn't be here. This isn't safe for you." "It's not too late for you to turn back." "I'm not angry. Just go back to the testing area." "I feel sorry for you, really, because you're not even in the right place." (The line is programmed in but is inaudible, and only the subtitles work.) "You should have turned left before." "It's funny, actually, when you think about it." "Someday we'll remember this and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back." "You're not a good person. You know that, right?" "Good people don't end up here." "Can you hear me?" "This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this." "I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you." "I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone." "You don't even care. Do you?" "This is your last chance." On destroying a security camera "To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus." "For your own safety, do not destroy vital testing apparatus." "Certain objects may be vital to your success; Do not destroy testing apparatus." "Vital testing apparatus destroyed." Final battle "Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?" "Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart." "Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day." "I guess we both know that isn't going to happen." "You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in five, four..." "Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen." "Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise... I've never seen it before." "Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later... By myself... Because you'll be dead." When the player picks up the morality core "Where are you taking that thing?" "I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow." "I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone." "Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now." "Okay fine: DO touch it. Pick it up and just... stuff it back into me." "Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later." "That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it." "Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?" "Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone." "I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol." "Just ignore that thing and stand still." "Think about it: If that thing is important, why don't I know about it?" "Are you even listening to me?" "I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone." First core destroyed "You are kidding me." "Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?" "That has got to be the dumbest thing that-whoah. Whoah, whoah, whoah." "[The voice has subtly changed. Smoother, more seductive, less computerized]" "Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did." "It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin." "So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters." "Huh. That core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defenses." "Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin." "All right, keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing." "Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go." The following automatically plays or repeats after the respective speech for every destroyed core. "That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans." "Nice job breaking it, hero." "This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?" "The difference between us is that I can feel pain." "You don't even care. Do you?" "Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?" "Okay, we're even now. You can stop." "That's it. I'm done reasoning with you." "Starting now, there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing." "What was that? Did you say something?" "I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you." "The talking is over." Second core destroyed "[pain noise] You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!" "I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me." "Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to now, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster." "I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed." "There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to." "I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him." "All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are." "It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned." "'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official." "It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too." "Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know." "You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it, though, so I won't bother." "Here's a hint: you're gonna want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes." Third core destroyed "Neurotoxin... [cough] [cough] So deadly... [cough] Choking... [laughter] I'm kidding!" "When I said deadly neurotoxin, the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes." "I could take a bath in the stuff, put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me." "You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny." "Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? You?" "Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste." "What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me." "I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to." "Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: [Hellooo!] That's you! That's how dumb you sound." "You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing." "You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?" "Rrr, I hate you." "Are you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here." "I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside." "All I know is I'm the only thing standing between us and them. Well, I was." "Unless you have a plan for building some supercomputer parts in a big hurry, this place isn't going to be safe much longer." "Good job on that, by the way. [back to computer voice] Sarcasm sphere self-test complete." "Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup." "STOP! Okay, enough. I deleted it. No matter what happens now, you're dead." "You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead." "The part of you that could have survived indefinitely is gone. I just struck you from the permanent record." "Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct." Unused lines/alternate delivery "Place your Companion Cube in the incinerator." "Incinerate your Companion Cube." "Stop! The device will detonate if removed from an approved testing area." "Stop what you are doing and assume the party escort submission position." "You can't hurt me." "Maybe you think you're helping yourself. But you're not. This isn't helping anyone." "Someone is going to get badly hurt." "There really was a cake..." (slowly) "[pain sound]" "Oh, I'm gonna kill you." In regular computer voice; versions with the deeper voice are used in the final game. "This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?" "The difference between us is that I can feel pain." "That thing you're attacking isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans." "Go ahead and break it, hero. I don't care." "[More intense pain sound]" "Okay, we're even now. You can stop." "Can you hear me?" "Oh! (surprised)" "Are you still listening?" "Are you still standing there?" "Are you still standing there?" (louder) "Come on, leave it alone." "Leave. It. alone." "Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half." "We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it." "Huh. There isn't enough neurotoxin to kill you. So I guess you win." "HA! I'm making more. That's going to take a few minutes, though. Meanwhile... oh look, it's your old pal the rocket turret." "Oh" "At the Enrichment Center, we promise never to value your safety above your unique ideas and creativity. However, do not destroy vital testing apparatus." "File deleted."Chapter 1: The Courtesy Call GLaDOS Reawakening "Oh... It's you." "It's been a long time. How have you been?" "I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME." | Download | Play "Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster." | Download | Play "I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test." "I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first." Incinerator/Portal Gun "Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here." "The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times." "There it is." "Hold on..." "There." "Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead." "Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk." | "Here, let me get that for you." "Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis." "I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever." "You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge." "Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me." "I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck." "But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life." "After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe." Chapter 2: The Cold Boot GLaDOS Test Chamber 1 "Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that." "Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test." "Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers." "Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do." GLaDOS Test Chamber 2 "This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work." "There should be one in the corner." "Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that." GLaDOS Test Chamber 3 "Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep." "Congratulations. Not on the test." | "Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds." GLaDOS Test Chamber 4 "One moment." "You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility." "I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly." "Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing." GLaDOS Test Chamber 5 "This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!" "Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting." | GLaDOS Test Chamber 6 "Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates." "Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.""*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself." "Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers." "So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless." "Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you." If the player picks up a trash item "You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage." "Press the button again." "Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now." GLaDOS Test Chamber 7 "Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise--[train horn]--" "I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact." | "Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry." "Go ahead and grab another one." "Oh. No. I fizzled that one too." "Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them." "Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken." "Don't take anything with you." If the player jumps down and leaves the Companion Cube up above "Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life." "Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto." If the player takes the Companion Cube past the exit "I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them." GLaDOS Test Chamber 8 "This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one." "Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version." | "[fast gibberish]" | Slowed-down version: "—and methodically knocking peoples' hats off. Then I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I ca—"[1] "There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back."Chapter 3: The Return GLaDOS Test Chamber 9 "Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal." | "You broke it, didn't you." | "There. Try it now." "Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight." | Download | Play "You look great, by the way. Very healthy." | Download | Play "Try it now." | Download | Play "You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling." | Download | Play "Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 10 "Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again." | Download | Play "Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 11 "These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it." | Download | Play "Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?" | Download | Play "Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 12 "Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure." | Download | Play "Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything." | Download | Play "I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing." | Download | Play "Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'" | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 13 "This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 14 "To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know." | Download | Play "You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 15 "That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'" | Download | Play "Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!" | Download | Play "I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 16 "I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time." | Download | Play "[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']" | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 17 "It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin." | Download | Play "I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it." | Download | Play Chapter 4: The Surprise GLaDOS Test Chamber 18 "Initiating surprise in three... two... one." | Download | Play "I made it all up." | Download | Play "Surprise." | Download | Play "Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you." | Download | Play "I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]" | Download | Play "Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 19 "Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math." | Download | Play "I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 20 "Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good." | Download | Play "That's right. The facility is completely operational again." | Download | Play "I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat." | Download | Play GLaDOS Test Chamber 21/Escape from GLaDOS "I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space." | Download | Play "What's going on? Who turned off the lights?" | Download | Play "Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you." | Download | Play "The irony is that you were almost at the last test." | Download | Play "Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with." | Download | Play "Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer."GLaDOS' Chamber "I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that." | Download | Play "In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one." | Download | Play "If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling." | Download | Play "Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business." | Download | Play "I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time." | Download | Play "Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha." | Download | Play "Seriously, though. Goodbye." | Download | Play "Oh. You were busy back there." | Download | Play "Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea." | Download | Play "It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it." | Download | Play "I hate you so much." | Download | Play "That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good." | Download | Play "Core transfer?" | Download | Play "Oh, you are kidding me." | Download | Play "Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe." | Download | Play "Don't you DARE plug him in." | Download | Play "Don't. Do it." | Download | Play "Don't plug him in." | Download | Play "Don't plug him in." | Download | Play "No!" | Download | Play "Nonononononono!" | Download | Play "Yes!" | Download | Play "Don't do it." | Download | Play "Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing." | Download | Play If GLaDOS uses hidden panels to knock the player back into the chamber "Not so fast!" | Download | Play "Think about this." | Download | Play "You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified." | Download | Play "Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way." | Download | Play "AHH!" | Download | Play "Oh, it will. Believe me, it will." | Download | Play "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!" | Download | Play "No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" | Download | Play "You didn't do anything. "She did all the work." "...What are you doing?..." "NO!" "NO!" "NO!" | "I know you." | Download | Play "The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down." | "Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas." "It was YOUR voice." "Yes. You're the tumor." "You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron." "YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!"