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Call of Gods

Play Call of Gods

Jun. 22, 2014

Rating: 7

Jesus, kongregate isn't scraping the bottom of the barrel with these badges they're handing out to games with developers that pay them. They're busting through the bottom of the barrel, tunneling through the earth, and scraping the bottom of another barrel on the opposite side of the planet.

Realm of the Mad God

Play Realm of the Mad God

Jun. 22, 2014

Rating: 0

In a moment of weakness I invested like $10 or so in this a while back. Not a lot to some people, but to ME that's an almost embarrassing amount to spend on a game like this, and I spent it because in the beginning this was a pretty chill game that stood out to me and all you really needed was a couple character slots and some storage space. Now they've nerfed drop rates to ridiculous levels and let you pay to increase it or just straight up pay for quality gear, which can, of course, easily get wiped away should anything go wrong. Overall it's made me feel like an idiot for spending ANYTHING at all on a game like this, because I lost sight of one ever present fact about these people: it's never enough. They're like crackheads when it comes to money: they want as much money as they can get their grubby little paws on NOW. They don't care if being less greedy could result in a better return down the line, they want as much as they can get NOW.

Ninja Warz

Play Ninja Warz

Jun. 22, 2014

Rating: 2

Remember Mmmchips, you're probably an individual with at least some small level of self esteem. If you were a fat unattractive unintelligent little kid who felt like they were a miserable failure at everything they did and constantly got looked down on by everyone around you in real life, I imagine someone claiming you were good at something for once would feel amazing, even if the truth is that you were simply now a fat stupid loser who sucked at everything and was willing to pay someone to pretend you didn't. I mean, my god this is literally pay to win distilled down to its purest form. There is no strategy, there is no planning, there is nothing; it's literally, 100% paying money to have someone tell you you win. And this has a 3.92. How many people have paid this developer for this...thing? The thought honestly depresses me. Oh well, thank god I've gotten my badges so I don't have to spend another minute playing this embarrassing excuse for a "game".

Berserk: The Cataclysm

Play Berserk: The Cataclysm

Jun. 22, 2014

Rating: 0

You know, it's strange how only folks that ask you for real money seem to have the gall to make games that play themselves while we watch and pretend we're the ones playing. I think the problem is that if we were allowed to have any sort of effect on the outcome of the battle that would mean it would be harder to balance the game, and the developers don't want to actually spend time making a good game. They just want the laziest route to making money possible. This game like this would be like if, in the middle of a TV show, a message popped up that said "Protagonist beats the villain: $5.00|Protagonist gets the girl: $7.00|total protagonist success package: $10.00". Then halfway through the show it said "Uh oh, you've run out of viewing time! $5.00 for another 15 minutes of viewing time". and, kind of like in the above example, really the best option of all is the one they don't list: shut this F***ing absurd cash grab off and never look at it again: free.

Tyrant

Play Tyrant

Jun. 22, 2014

Rating: -6

Oh, energy. Another game that seems to be desperate to stop me from playing. Well I'll tell you what: you win. I won't play your game. Congratulations! You accomplished your goal! I hope you're happy.

Notorious Inc

Play Notorious Inc

Jun. 22, 2014

Rating: 8

Finally, I can live out my lifelong dream of being an illegal shirt dealer!

Min Hero: Tower of Sages

Play Min Hero: Tower of Sages

Jun. 21, 2014

Rating: -14

I really, legitimately don't understand what people like so much about this game. I mean, I guess it's ok, and I think it would be even better if we just had a standard trainer level or w/e and didn't have to worry about leveling up a new critter every single damn time we wanted test a different lineup, but even so it's really just not that super-special a game. It's not even like there's one thing I can put my finger on that's specifically boring about it...but conversely, I can't put my finger on any one thing that's fun about it. That's exactly the issue, it's just sort of meh. Also, I've seen a few people comment on how it's great it doesn't ask for real money...why the heck would it ask for real money? Games of this type generally don't. It's not multiplayer, it's not that huge or complex, in what way would this not having premium content be considered something of note?

Tinysasters 2: rise of the nexus

Play Tinysasters 2: rise of the nexus

Jun. 21, 2014

Rating: 2

Man, I guess people must like this, but I have to admit, normally I personally like the formula to go the other way: I like it when someone builds something then lets ME destroy it. Building my own nice pretty little setups and watching them fall to tatters around me: not as pleasant an experience imo. Plus I've probably got a slight touch of OCD going on, so having things always getting slid out of place drives me a tad nuts, and thus I'm always wasting tectonic drifts trying to get things back in shape when it probably wasn't necessary...

Clash of the Dragons

Play Clash of the Dragons

Jun. 20, 2014

Rating: -10

Oh boy, I finally got the badges (or at least the ones that work). They've provided me the greatest reward of all: not having to play this game anymore. If I had to spend another god damned second fighting the same ridiculously weak enemies over and over and over again, like, 7+ times each when I could easily win the match by literally clicking cards totally at random, I would lose my mind.

War of Omens

Play War of Omens

Jun. 20, 2014

Rating: -1

Is uh...is ratcatchers not working, or am I simply not understanding how the card is supposed to work? Cause for the computer it appears to work correctly, but when played/at the beginning of my turn I get exactly squat. Come to think of it, that's basically the case for all similar daramek summon type cards. Being as that's kind of a pretty darn big part of that entire groups strategy, that sort of makes it pretty rough trying to play as them. Not to mention it makes a bunch of their cards entirely worthless.

War of Omens

Play War of Omens

Jun. 19, 2014

Rating: 8

I'm mostly ok with this...but I gotta admit I'm a little irked by the fact that you have to spend real money to be able to buy silver packs. And that's the thing, it's not even that they actually cost money, the requirement is literally "spend real money on something". That's not cool. That means you can only get ONE type of pack without spending actual cash. Which I ain't, thank you very much. I seriously have almost no money. I don't even have a working car right now. Have you people ever considered that no matter how imaginative your attempts to get my money become, maybe some of us literally don't have any to give you? I mean...I guess it's at least not an energy system, which is certainly way the hell better than many other games of this sort, but still, I don't really like that.

Developer response from FifthColumnGames

You'll notice that EVERY card in the game is available through the Oak pack, without paying anything. The Silver pack is really designed for people who have been playing for a little while, and want to focus their efforts. Also, rare cards aren't inherently more powerful in this game, many ppl can win consistenly just with a deck full of commons and uncommons. We've worked hard to ensure that non-payers can still be very competitive.

My Friend Pedro

Play My Friend Pedro

Jun. 17, 2014

Rating: -6

I know many of us...ok, some of us...ok, maybe just I am thinking this, so I'm going to just come out and say it: the way this man is capable of getting that whole banana down there is kinda weird. Wait, but then...OMG you guys, is this game about being gay? The guy took some pills that have lowered his inhibitions, and as he runs around he's fighting his urges for men and thus feeling threatened by all of them (there are no women in his imaginary world) and finally, upon giving in to his urges and taking pedro like a champ (maybe pedro is a friend in real life, and he's just so distracted by his desire for him that he imagines him as a floating banana?), he pops fairy wings and goes on to confront his feelings all at once in the form of a very large gay man. Then he disappears from his metaphorical land of gayness, because he's fought his inner demons and can now return to the real world. It's all part of the gay conspiracy you guys! Run for the hills!

Last Legacy: Null Space

Play Last Legacy: Null Space

Jun. 16, 2014

Rating: 5

K, well in fact there WAS some other item out there that you needed to get the triangle in the first area of curiosity: you have to go to the very last level on hard mode and climb all the way up the right to get the winged boots, which increase your jump by more than 1, allowing you to make that otherwise impossible jump. Why the hell this would include an area that you'll be totally stuck in unless you have a special item, and on top of it leave you there thinking you must be losing your mind until you finally give up and leave is beyond me, but there ya go in case you're confused.

Last Legacy: Null Space

Play Last Legacy: Null Space

Jun. 16, 2014

Rating: 0

Ok, now what the heck. I'm confused as to how to get the one big triangle on the level "curiosity" (the level where you meet the enchanter dude)...ok, so I go over the top of the building, over to the right, grab that easily seen yellow triangle, then go to try to scale the ledge on the right, which is fairly obviously how you're supposed to get back up...but from the very best I can tell you simply can't jump high enough on the second jump. You're basically just stuck down there. I've jumped and jumped and jumped and jumped some more (using the running shoes, of course) I simply can't get up there. I mean, is there some other item out there that makes you able to jump higher that I don't know about? Is there some way back over? As far as I can tell I've tried everything I possibly can...if I figure it out somehow I'll say something I guess...

Land Defender TD

Play Land Defender TD

Jun. 12, 2014

Rating: 1

Well, for anyone who cares, the key to advancing pretty much at all is to focus solely on upgrading one tower type (I've tried both. I sorta liked fire a bit more, but I think that's because it's cheaper and easier to start off with. In the end ice towers are just as efficient, if not more). A bit later on enemies with 50% resistance to certain towers show up, but it doesn't matter; with upgrades you should still be able to handle them. But of course a big part of success is also simply playing a level so you can figure out what the hell is going on, failing, then doing it again when you actually have some idea. A large part of that is the idiotic setup with ghosts; dark towers cost 1000 freaking gold, so it's not like you're going to get one and put it down unless you know when/where ghosts will be, which you can only know by playing to see then retrying. But I think we've established that this developer ain't the sharpest, so that's to be expected.

Land Defender TD

Play Land Defender TD

Jun. 12, 2014

Rating: -1

K, if you're not going to let us reset points making it so that we have no idea what future towers are, nor are we able to upgrade them without sitting on our points for the whole game, is pretty dumb. What should I put points in? Should I even put points in the first two towers? How the hell should I know? Make a way to reset stat point allocation. Don't be stupid.

Developer response from RommHunter

Reset skills is now available.

FPA: World 1 Remix

Play FPA: World 1 Remix

Jun. 11, 2014

Rating: 1

Where were ya on world 3 with the keys man? I just gave you 5 bucks back then for the heck of it, simply because the game was so damn fluid and awesome for a flash game where the developer wasn't really coming away with much. I'm almost positive that was the first time I ever tipped a developer, since in most cases games that are really good just have extra content so there was no point; if you like a game you just buy the extra crap. Of course that only made me feel more like tipping was appropriate, since you didn't even ask for anything more. Oh well, I'm sure I'll wind up giving you more money at some point, so it's ok. After all, it isn't like I feel terribly distraught over the idea of giving you more than 5 dollars judging by how much I enjoy the FP games. But if you want my money you gotta get 4 out here, person! Do it!

TDP4 Team Battle

Play TDP4 Team Battle

Jun. 09, 2014

Rating: 2

K, so here I am a little level 1 with a friggin' pistol...I've given actually playing this damn thing a try, like, maybe 3 or 4 times now, and every single time the only games available are ones where I literally stand no chance of doing anything whatsoever except providing free kills for people. There are maybe a max of 10 people on at any given time, and seeing as this is an old game that makes it pretty much a guarantee that if they're playing, they're probably better than me. This is why you don't have a game with levels, yet give beginners virtually nothing to work with; cause it means they have no way to stop being beginners. Whatever, I was here almost exclusively for badges anyways, so I'm forced to say: screw this garbage.

Dangerous adventure

Play Dangerous adventure

Jun. 08, 2014

Rating: 7

What the hell is with our mana counters going into the negatives when we use specials? For example, my red homey just used his anger spell, and it put him down to -8. I'm wondering if maybe it doesn't have to do with the screwy ass ability descriptions (for some reason, after getting a number of abilities, you'll go to the opposite ability and it'll claim it reduces the cost of the other one by what usually seems like an unrealistic amount. For example, I go to wizard dude's "treatment" ability upgrade and it claims it reduces the cost of healing by 9, which I really feel like it doesn't actually do), but regardless it's all confusing as heck.

Nether Runner

Play Nether Runner

Jun. 07, 2014

Rating: 12

God damn it tentacle monsters, you've had your way sexually with enough hot chicks over the years without barging into abandoned cabins and messing things up for us there too. Give US a chance for once here.

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