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Dream World

Play Dream World

Jun. 05, 2014

Rating: 27

Well, at least this game gets one thing right about my dreams; there are a lot of impressive breasts involved.

Creeper World 3: Abraxis

Play Creeper World 3: Abraxis

Jun. 04, 2014

Rating: 5

I've always appreciated the creeper games because they're strategy games, but strategy games that are actually accessible to a person who's more casual about strategy games and isn't all "Omg, a strategy game?! Wait, let me put on my strategy gaming pants, get out my strategy gaming laptop, grab my strategy gaming red bull/hot pockets and of course, most importantly, my strategy gaming piss bucket. Now to repeatedly slap my keyboard like an angry chimpanzee, but somehow make things happen anyways!". So uh...so accessible to casual folk as opposed to those who are really into strategy games, I guess I'm trying to say.

Dangerous adventure

Play Dangerous adventure

Jun. 04, 2014

Rating: 4

First off, I don't know how obvious this is to people but I found that right clicking and putting the quality to low sped things up pretty significantly for me. Secondly, although I guess it isn't THAT big an issue, god damn purple is supposed to be between red and blue. Just that little bit being out of place constantly makes me unsure of myself and makes me feel like I have to look at the color wheel whenever I make a move.

Timber Lorry Driver 2

Play Timber Lorry Driver 2

Jun. 04, 2014

Rating: 1

Ah, timber truck lorry driver...sure to be the breakaway title of the gaming world in 2014.

Drawfender Level Pack

Play Drawfender Level Pack

Jun. 03, 2014

Rating: 10

Whoa, hold on now guys. What he neglects to mention is that not only do you have to go elsewhere to play the impossible levels, you also have to pay (a dollar, to be exact) to play them, and of course to top it all off if you aren't logged in on AG it doesn't tell you what's going on, you just click the imp lvls. button and it doesn't do anything. Only when you're logged in does it bring up the screen where you're expected to give him real money. I just went to AG and re-played through the entire game to play those, which I didn't like having to do but at least it doesn't take that long to play through. Well my friend, I know for me that lowered the score from a 4 to a 1 (maybe I'll make it a two, since the rest of the game is ok. I haven't decided). If you would've come out and told us it would cost money I still would've probably dropped to a 3 or 2, but hiding the fact that you're trying to bilk us for money until the last minute is some really scummy shit.

Drawfender Level Pack

Play Drawfender Level Pack

Jun. 03, 2014

Rating: 10

Impossible levels on another site = poor score on this one. I hope the trade off is worth it.

Phobi Jones

Play Phobi Jones

Jun. 03, 2014

Rating: -1

K, and just wanted to mention that as I suspected 18 was almost as easy as 13. Ya stick a mouse next to the elephant, the elephant smashes the wall, ya stick a mouse between the mouse and the elephant, they both get scared down, then you use the picks, which you should only need two, to get the lion down and get the mouse running on the treadmill (obviously use the torches on the bats at some point in there). At the risk of sound like a douche, I have to say that someone would have to be, like, legitimately mentally retarded to get to level 13 and 18, and thus understand the basic mechanics of the game, but not be able to solve those levels. They're probably some of the easier levels I'd say.

Phobi Jones

Play Phobi Jones

Jun. 03, 2014

Rating: 8

13 was supposed to be difficult? The only reason I even had to give it any real thought was because brain said he thought it was impossible, so I thought it couldn't possibly be as simple as I thought it was. It was, in fact, just as simple as it appeared.

Puppet Soccer 2014

Play Puppet Soccer 2014

Jun. 03, 2014

Rating: -2

So...is there a specific reason that the play10 mascot is...uh...what the hell is a person from Netherlands? Dutch?

Stick Arena: Ballistick

Play Stick Arena: Ballistick

May. 31, 2014

Rating: 0

Makes getting badges difficult when a game won't actually work...

Bible Fight

Play Bible Fight

May. 31, 2014

Rating: 0

Oh, right, and the harder, virtually impossible way is to use mary, try to stay out of range and use your halo toss/rosary whip, then whenever Satan uses his fireball or his cheap shit cerberus charge use teleport, which provides momentary invincibility (and I'm pretty sure is the only way to avoid that stupid charge attack). I also had some small level of success abusing teleport by continually teleporting and kicking as I came down, but the kicks do little damage, and with how inconsistent the controls are there's no possible way to keep that up for two whole matches without messing up your timing and eventually getting hit.

Bible Fight

Play Bible Fight

May. 31, 2014

Rating: 0

Imo there are essentially two ways to get the devil's in the details badge: there's the cheap yet relatively easy way, and the legitimate yet basically impossible method (b/c the controls suck dick and there's no way to consistently use special moves). The easier way is to take moses, who has the longest range quick attack, and spam Z. Your goal (and this works on any enemy) is to hit with the edge of your attack range and back them into a corner, where you want to hit them immediately when their post hit invulnerability fades. You have to time your attacks well, b/c fairly often right as they recover they'll try to jump out of the corner. With good timing you'll smack em' back down, and lock them up again right as they stand. Again, just stay back as far as you can to avoid any quick attacks. Of course sometimes there are flukes, so just remember; if satan hits you, just lose the match. You can lose/continue all you want, just so long as when you win you have 2 perfects.

Bible Fight

Play Bible Fight

May. 31, 2014

Rating: 1

Wow, good job Jesus. Way to beat up both your mom and your dad in one go...

Dawn of Darkness

Play Dawn of Darkness

May. 31, 2014

Rating: 11

Ultima pretty much covered what I was going to say. Unfortunately these people paid kongregate to give them badges, which then causes me to have to come here and give this crap a try...and the idea of anyone actually giving these people money depresses me. I'll tell you what, if you're really that desperate and low on self-esteem that you're willing to pay just for someone to tell you you win, give me a call. I'll show up at your house, hide in your closet, then when you're at your lowest I'll come bursting out, throwing confetti and screaming "You win! You're great! You're my hero! I want to be just like you when I grow up!". Plus I'm a brutally handsome young fellow, so if you're a progressively minded chick (or a really, really rich dude I guess) I could even throw in a complimentary heroic makeout session to stick it to the age old stereotype that only males can gain sexual favors for winning at things. These people don't give you that. These people don't even give you confetti.

Pursuit of hat 2

Play Pursuit of hat 2

May. 28, 2014

Rating: 71

There's something oddly unsettling about the way that the hat is so desperate to get away that it's willing to jump off a ledge to its death to keep us from capturing it. I feel like I'm aiding in some kind of terrifying plot to kidnap and do unspeakable things to the hat, which is weird even if it is just a hat. After all, the hat doesn't run away in the beginning. Clearly the creepy little guy who picks off his limbs did something to the hat in between levels that traumatized it to the point that it decided that it would rather die than allow itself to let the limb picking guy put his hands on it again.

Drunken Wrestlers

Play Drunken Wrestlers

May. 28, 2014

Rating: -2

I'm somewhat disappointed; despite the name, it seems that throwing your opponent usually ends in a draw or you losing.

Sports Heads Challenges

Play Sports Heads Challenges

May. 28, 2014

Rating: -3

I've won, and that makes me sad. I def liked this more than the old layout of basically just playing the same thing over and over again, so good job on that I suppose. I really don't think I had any complaints here. The closest thing I'd have to a complaint would be about the whole having to like on facebook thing, but the fact is that since I don't have a facebook I felt justified in just clicking on the link then closing out of FB.

Tales of Carmelot - The Missing Pot of Gold

Play Tales of Carmelot - The Missing Pot of Gold

May. 27, 2014

Rating: 2

In the town of vortex point, you never know what you might see, witchcraft ghosts and UFOs, eeevverry thi...oh crap, wrong game.

Wanna Oranges ?

Play Wanna Oranges ?

May. 27, 2014

Rating: 27

As turkey suggested, this could've just as well been entitled "Nondescript physics game #23890". I mean, there are literally so damned many of these things that it actually kind of depresses me when I see them, as it's just a testament to the crushing redundancy of human existence. I'll admit that this does run rather smoothly and the art is fairly well done, but pretty few merits aside from that.

Kingdoms CCG

Play Kingdoms CCG

May. 25, 2014

Rating: 8

When it comes to online games like this, I generally put things into two categories; games that I push to the back of my mind ASAP and try my best to pretend don't exist, and those that I favorite and sink a fair bit of time into. This could've had the potential to be the latter, but unfortunately it failed one of the primary checks to allow it to do so; an energy system instantly takes a game out of potential consideration. I mean, I have no idea who the first person to come up with energy was, but whatever retarded piece of certain developers' brains that make them believe that it's a good idea needs to be removed. It is not a good idea. It does not make people want to pay to play your game. It pisses them off and makes them want to leave, as it's not like you're getting anything new by paying to refill your energy. All you're doing is paying to play, and if I'm going to pay solely to play a game I could find way the hell better ones to do so with.

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