Yeah, I think maybe the developer of this game may have missed a memo or two regarding what exactly the allure of videogames is supposed to be. Ya know why, for example, the grand theft auto games are so popular? Because you feel powerful, and free to do whatever you want. On that note then, how exactly would they expect a game in which we feel entirely impotent and ultimately at the mercy of luck to be fun? Guess what, I already feel that way in real life a lot of times, I don't play god damned games to do more of the usual. Then, to make it worse, you have the guards taunt us for no ostensible reason. See, normally the point of taunting the player is to try to mildly annoy them and make them want to seek revenge, and yet here, even if we win, we don't do crap to the guards. So why exactly do you make THEM talk shit? Sure, they're not real, but it still adds nothing to the game but extra frustration.
Oh, and yes, it has taken me in the ballpark of 2.5 hours to get to almost getting the hard badge. I went back on my word, the perfectionist in me won't let me just not get a badge like that...
Man, you can just feel the femininity seeping off this game. I mean, between all the odd, whimsical little writings, the overall friendliness/upbeatness of it all, and, most of all, the presence of a cat (what's with chicks and cats?), somehow it's all girlier than if the entire thing was done in pink rather than orange. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that that's necessarily bad; as a male it's nice to have a slight bit of girlishness added to my day, which normally consists of being angry and cynical. I'm just pointing it out.
Dude, ya gotta give us a reverse and the ability to balance. Just hoping we land on our bottom doesn't work. I wound up using the bike whenever I couldn't run not because it was fast or whatever, but because I could at least balance backwards by hitting space...
Ok, no, the game won't load just as quickly if I'm not using ad blockers. The game was already loaded there, it just loaded a screen I had to stare at for 30 seconds as a passive aggressive means of trying to make me not use ad blockers because it detected them. Screw you. I'd knock off at least 2 stars for that bullshit, especially when its wording suggests that it's out of your control, which it obviously isn't judging by the fact that no other developer is arrogant enough to put something like that, but it's not like it would matter if I did anyways as it's not like it will affect the rating any.
Well, aside from flash player freezing the first time I tried to load it and the game freezing momentarily whenever anything pops up on the screen, it was pretty sweet.
Ok, the hard badge requires you to beat levels 352 times? Even averaging 30 seconds per try, which is really low for a lot of levels, we're talking about around 3 hours of work. Just for a hard badge. I mean, am I the only one who thinks that's just a little insane? I like this game, so I'm going to definitely avoid trying to get that badge, cause I'd absolutely loath the game by the time I was done...
Well, I guess that it's good that they're elderly, but that doesn't change the fact that their landlord probably isn't going to be able to rent that apartment out for years thanks to the radiation levels...
Sigil is a stone cold fox. Wait, that's not right, she's stone cold, and I have a fox. Still she's my kinda girl; pragmatic and to the point. Plus she can't run off with other guys, or run anywhere in fact. See? We're perfect for each other.
Gah, my dreams of making a super laser with such high attack speed that it all just blended together into one big beam were smashed upon finding out 9 shots a second is the highest fire rate available. What's that crap, yo?
Oh friend, you're so very naive. You cannot truly grasp the horror you have stumbled upon by bringing up the topic of duck mating...unless of course you looked it up and finally just decided to substitute duck kissing for terrifying multiple foot long penis lassos and rape...
Yeah, ya know one of the excellent things they put into diablo, largely b/c of ranged classes in particular? A forced standstill/attack button, so that when you go to click on an enemy you don't miss and wind up just running up right next to them so they can beat on you.
This was already the best game ever before penguins were ever involved. Add penguins and things become simply...magical. One of those few games where I actually was glad I hadn't gotten the one badge for it, as it gave me an excuse to play it all again. Huzzah, Mr. Penguin. Huzzah.
From now on I'm serving big pauly a single raw chicken wing with 1 sauce. See, the thing about this game vs. real life is that it doesn't matter how immense a specific order is, we still get the exact same tips. Unfortunately, also unlike real life, I doubt regularly giving the fat bastard food poisoning will cause him to stop showing the hell up...
Just a small tip: I've found that it's way easier to get perfects on the toppings area when you understand that A) whipped cream will stop spraying if the sundae gets higher than the spray nozzle, and B) you can click to stop pouring. Outwardly neither of those seem that useful, but the whipped cream one is especially useful in that if you lower the can to just above where you're pouring, you'll always get a uniform height as it will only allow you to pour to that height, no higher. The ability to stop pouring with a click is useful for making sure you get the edges without pouring outside the cup, as you can start at an edge, pour to the middle, stop, line up with the other edge, pour to the middle, stop, and so on until done. I've always viewed the toppings as hardest to perfect, as it's not cut and dry like the other ones, so I figured I'd throw the above out there in case it could help anyone.
Wow, this has almost a 4. Now I'll admit, 6 years ago I was just getting into my experimental phase with all those things the DARE officers managed to make sound so fun and cool (Drug and alcohol resistance education? More like drug and alcohol reinforcement and encouragement), so maybe my memory is more skewed than I realize, but I don't remember our version of "fun" including suffering through regular bouts of very severe constipation, getting root canals w/o anesthesia, and/or sitting silently watching our crushes have an awesome time in the sack with the people we hated...but that obviously must have been the case, as those are some of the very few activities I can think of that would be less enjoyable than playing this. Sure, 6 years is fairly long in technological time, but I assume they had paint back in 2007, so they could've at least watched paint dry or something. That's an adrenaline filled rollercoaster of pure ecstasy comparatively.
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