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Red Remover Player Pack 2

Play Red Remover Player Pack 2

Jul. 01, 2011

Rating: -20

I think you have way too much faith in your skill as a programmer. I gave up on this game after I beat a level by doing the same thing over and over again until the physics engine finally behaved (and no, it was not a level where timing was a factor). So this puzzle game operates on a physics engine that was either half-assed or uses too complex an engine for the game it's supposed to operate. Either way, it's a piece of crap.

Whiteboard Tower Defense

Play Whiteboard Tower Defense

Jun. 28, 2011

Rating: 4

Things every game should have that this piece of crap does not: Speed control, a "reset" button, a "return to menu" button, instructions, an actual layout. In short, of all the "defender" games on Kongregate, this is by far the worst of them all. Bravo jackass!

Treasure of Cutlass Reef

Play Treasure of Cutlass Reef

Jun. 20, 2011

Rating: -5

You know what this game needs? Two separate 'fire' buttons, one for shooting left and the other for shooting right. Because 9/10 times, whenever I tried shooting at the enemy from anyone BESIDES the bottom of the screen, it would fire in the opposite direction. That combined with the slow pace and insulting simplicity of this game makes me wonder if you even gave a crap at all. Next time why not just put "This is a game" in a text file and be done with it.

Diamond Hollow

Play Diamond Hollow

Jun. 03, 2011

Rating: -9

Ugh! For the love of God, why do you morons keep making games with those bloody "move with the directionals, aim and shoot with the mouse" controls. THEY DON'T WORK!!! NOBODY LIKES THEM!!! STOP USING THEM!!!

Castaway 2

Play Castaway 2

Jun. 01, 2011

Rating: -22

Wow! You've done the unthinkable! You've made a game worse than the original Castaway! Bravo ArmorGames! Bravo!

Zomgies 2

Play Zomgies 2

May. 28, 2011

Rating: 4

Two things wrong with this game. First, the expectation is that the PC will at least know how to shoot STRAIGHT, so that if the target is behind the zombie, it will still hit it. You apparently decided to have this play more like we were a sniper on the roof instead of the actual guy running. That makes the game suck. Also, the zombies kill just by being anywhere even remotely near the PC, they all run straight for him, and they are numerous. They respawn faster than the player can kill them, which makes the game UNPLAYABLE!!! What is wrong with you Armor Games? Do you just bloody hate the world? Is that what inspires you to create games with obvious flaws in them?

Papa's Taco Mia!

Play Papa's Taco Mia!

May. 26, 2011

Rating: 5

I'd make jokes about what the next game will be called, but I don't want to give you any ideas. This game sucks just as much as the other two in the series, and for the exact same reasons too.

Sieger: Level Pack

Play Sieger: Level Pack

May. 19, 2011

Rating: 1

Do you know what's sad about this game? Even if you follow the solution link and follow the video's instructions to the letter, you're STILL not guaranteed a win. The original Sieger was passable, but this version relies too heavily upon randomized B.S. There are literally levels which I either passed or failed by doing the exact same thing all depending on which way the stone fractured after I struck it (even though I was striking it in the exact same place). If this is the kind of B.S. you plan on pulling, don't bother calling this a puzzle game -- just make it a great big effing slot machine.

Animal RaceWay

Play Animal RaceWay

May. 13, 2011

Rating: 2

Well, I applaud the different approach to the racing genre you took with this game, but I don't think it really works out. The training games are unbalanced, as are the game mechanics itself; since I found the speed game to be the easiest (cuz' I type for a living), I also found out that having a lot of speed negates the need for stamina. The health game I also found to be the most irritating, though that might be because I had to keep playing it. It's an addictive game, albeit in a mind-numbingly repetitive kinda' way. 2.5/5 rounded down for me.

Doodle God 2

Play Doodle God 2

May. 13, 2011

Rating: 6

The biggest problem with this game is the same problem that was had with the two previous Doodle games; half of it is random guessing and/or waiting for the next hint, and the other half is trying to make sense of whatever logic the dumbass who made this game was employing. Few games can be frustrating and boring at the same time, but the Doodle God series accomplishes that easily. Kongregate, if you give this P.O.S. a "best of the year" badge again, you are dead to me.

Ragdoll Avalanche 2

Play Ragdoll Avalanche 2

May. 09, 2011

Rating: 5

You know what all that wonderful commentary you threw in tells me? It tells me that you're quite accustomed to having people commenting that your games are total crap. It also tells me that you'll never make anything that ISN'T total crap either, because you've chosen to delude yourself into thinking that we're all a bunch of sore losers instead of possibly considering the possibility that these 8th grade midterms of yours might NOT be the glittering gems of Kongregate. Fine by me though; we'll always be here to tell you otherwise.

Flood Runner 3

Play Flood Runner 3

May. 04, 2011

Rating: -4

I wouldn't say this is the best line runner I've seen on Kongregate, though it did have a lot of creative features. Mind you that its those additional features that take away from the game more than anything. It's overcomplicated, in other words. 3/5.

Onslaught2

Play Onslaught2

May. 04, 2011

Rating: -44

Were you picked on in school a lot? Were you parents rich? Because near as I can tell, this game's sole purpose is to royally piss off everyone who plays it with the core frustration being that the player's finances never keep up with the demand. There are PLENTY of these tower defense games on Kongregate. What made you think that, with so many to choose from, anyone would want to play one as piss-poor as this one?

Bullet Heaven

Play Bullet Heaven

Apr. 02, 2011

Rating: -39

You know, you almost had me fooled. You almost had me fooled into thinking you'd not only created a halfway decent game for once, but that you may have actually succeeded in doing something that has never been done on Kongregate before: Produced a hyper-shooter that is actually good. Then I got to Lv. 16, at which your usual douchebaggery commenced in full bloody force! Did you think we would not eventually notice, for example, that the dragon skulls appear IN LINE WITH OUR CHARACTER, thereby making them IMPOSSIBLE to evade at the very end? You did the same damn thing to hyper-shooters that you did to RPGs -- you took the proven formula and deliberately subverted it, the end result of which is a product that puts the screws to everyone who attempts to play it. I've said it once and I'll say it again: Screw you.

Reactance

Play Reactance

Apr. 01, 2011

Rating: 1

This game is a perfect example of why hyper-shooters should NEVER be done in a two-color palette. Eventually your fire mixes in with the enemy's fire and creates nothing but a confusing blur. I'm sorry, but that's too juvenile to let slide. And what's the payoff? A game that looks like a crappy Vectrex title? What a load of crap.

Run 2

Play Run 2

Mar. 24, 2011

Rating: -9

Hey, I've got a great idea. I'll take this challenging but relatively straightforward game and make a festering turd out of it by screwing with the gameplay mechanics to make it a confusing, frustrating mess. Way to go, you've done it again.

Sugar, sugar

Play Sugar, sugar

Mar. 18, 2011

Rating: 4

Couldn't be more boring. The puzzles are easy, but the game pace makes them take way too long to complete. When a puzzle game has levels that take three seconds to set up but three minutes to play out, there's something wrong with it.

Heroes of Gaia

Play Heroes of Gaia

Mar. 10, 2011

Rating: 6

Unbelievable. Eight hours of maintenance all for a link to a new server that doesn't go anywhere. And the old ones? THEY'RE STILL DOWN!!! No wonder this game has some of the least acquired badges in all of Kongregate -- the game is only playable 10% of the time. I regret every second I've ever spent playing this game.

Sushi Cat 2

Play Sushi Cat 2

Mar. 07, 2011

Rating: -12

Well Armor Games, once again you've managed to take one of your beloved titles and effectively take a diarrhea dump all over it with a crappy sequel. At first, this game was looking up. . . Then you brought in the power-ups. Those wretched things that were useless at best, tremendously ill-conceived at the worst, and which you inexplicably decided to have some of the levels be completely dependent upon. This one completely boneheaded decision completely spoils the rest of the game. The original Sushi Cat was cute, slow-paced and amusing, but by putting so much emphasis on useless power-ups, you've turned the franchise into a frantic mess. I'm only five golden sushis away from that second badge, but will I ever have the motivation to go back and get them? I doubt it. Please make this the absolute last time you mess with a good thing Armor Games.

Alxemy

Play Alxemy

Mar. 06, 2011

Rating: 1

Eh. . . This game wasn't much better than Doodle God. As good at best. I appreciate the extra work that went into it, but it still falls victim to random logic, fringe elements and nonsensical combination (Toadstool? Catfish? Really?). It's a 2/5: Nothing special, which is exactly what I gave Doodle God too.

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