So, let me get this straight. This game was deliberately sucky, and was made so for the purpose of giving the metaphorical finger to everyone that has ever had the balls to state that a crappy game is a crappy game? The name says all: For spending time and effort just to be a prick, you get a 1/5.
Usually games like this are pretty cool, and fairly easy to make enjoyable. You, on the other hand, I believe gave yourself way too much freedom in regards to what qualifies as an acceptable difference? Do you know how aggravating it was to hunt down individual stars in that last bit? Aggravating enough that I forgot all about the creative artistry of the sets and felt comfortable giving you a 1/5 for that crap.
Well, at least it's appropriately named. Most of the "puzzles" are just boring spoon-fed crap, and the rest (like the surveillance camera one) appear to have no solution whatsoever. Kongregate should be damn ashamed of themselves for giving a badge to this piss-poor P.O.S.
Mission 11: One of the mooks actually RAN THROUGH A WALL. Yeah, that pretty much proves that this game is a piece-o-shyte marketing ploy. Screw you, all this crap makes want to do is AVOID that game now.
Useless tools + open but contained environments + mooks with Hubble Telescope eyesight = piss-poor excuse for a spy game. This P.O.S. couldn't possibly be any more obvious of the fact that it's part of a cheap advertising campaign and you should be damn ashamed of yourself for being a part of it.
I agree with everyone who recommended just getting the jackhammer. Since this stupid game will kill you for letting your safehouse get overrun, it's the only weapon in this entire game that really makes sense AT ALL. Everything else is just filler that the piss-poor gameplay design keeps from being useful, or fun. 2/5.
Hey, I don't think that hire/fire game was crap enough. Lets make the next level a fecking guessing game!! If I ever see whoever made this in real life, I'm committing a wrath sin on his arse that he'll never forget.
Congratulations. You have been the absolute least forthcoming with the controls of this game as humanly possible. You may now cross "sloth" off your list. Douche.
You know what this game needs? An indicator showing how many have been scared away vs. how many are dead. It's aggravating when you're trying to get a perfect score either way and that number goes down for one you didn't see leaving.
The most infuriating aspect of this game is still the random backup that keeps showing up over and over again. What the hell is your problem?! It's like the game is poking me in the shoulder and going "Haha! Thought you were done, did ya?!" Screw you. Screw you in every way physically possible for this P.O.S. This is literally an insult to gaming.
This game is a stupid boring P.O.S. for the same reason all the games its shamelessly ripping off were stupid boring P.O.S.'s: monotonous, repetitive boring gameplay devoid of even the slightest of tactical variations. Every bloody level of this game is nothing more than an endurance match, and that's why it absolutely sucks. Shame on you Armor Games -- I thought you knew better than to resort to crap like this.
You know what would help? If this bloody thing actually knew how to PRIORITIZE. It's pretty bloody infuriating when enemies are making a getaway and the launcher keeps prioritizing other targets. That's what's known in the world of video game tropes as artificial stupidity, which is a subset of artificial difficulty, and artificial difficulty translates as an automatic F.U. to the gamer, which I am more than happy to return to you in the form of a 1/5. Seriously, screw you for that.
I can't believe we have to do all of that crap just to get a MEDIUM badge. Are you kidding me?! "Sky Captain" takes longer than a trip around the world?! What's truly infuriating about this game is how it pits a slow moving PC character in a narrow frame against incredibly large, incredibly fast and incredibly numerous aircrafts, some of which can literally go from one end of the screen in another in less than one second, with absolutely no invincibility buffer to speak of whatsoever. It's an unbalanced P.O.S. in other words. Take that medium badge and shove it.
Okay, I take back what I said about this game encouraging players to torment each other. I've since figured out based on how relentless and devoid of personality my foes tend to be that they are all computer-controlled players. Which only ties into something EVEN MORE infuriating: Artificial difficulty (AKA: "the computer cheats"). What the hell is wrong with you Kongregate?! Having the computer programmed to launch every bloody missile it has at you is bad enough, but giving them INFINITE AMMO?! Do you know what that means when an enemy with heat-seekers comes along? It means INSTANT UNAVOIDABLE DEATH, that's what it means. Seriously Kongregate, screw you. For your sake, I hope the problem is that the douche who made this got fired and you don't know how to fix it. Otherwise, you've got me pretty pissed off that this P.O.S. is even still in existence.
How has this festering turd remained on Kongregate for so long when it's bloody broken. First time I tried to play it today, THREE FATTIES AND TWO DOGS ran up to the barricade and started wailing on it before the screen had even faded in. Second time, nothing at all and I had to reset the P.O.S. completely. You fail Kongregate. You fail so fecking hard it makes me want to puke blood.
Whoever designed Lv. 14 better have been fired for letting that pass. Do you have any idea how easy it is for the cat to get stuck on one of those pieces that moves up and down against the wall. INCREDIBLY easy. I would know -- I've already reset that level six times in a row because of that.
For the eight minute goal: Open the valves as soon as possible as much as possible. Rack up some quick and easy combos by hitting twenty turtles at once instead of wasting your time trying to bounce two of them. Opening the valves is cheaper too, so it can be done easily. Once you can hit enough turtles all at once, any setup will generate the amount of hits needed.
I think the time restrictions on that challenge may be too unforgiving. Ten thousand hits? I had it set up to get around 100 hits per second, and yet it still took four minutes to tally up all the way to the required amount. You are actually beta testing these games for yourself before you decide what's expected of the players, right?
It is a very rare online game that can balance veteran gamers with beginners and prevent the former from abusing the latter, but it is an equally rare game which has gameplay mechanics which actually ENCOURAGE veteran gamers to abuse newcomers. This is one such game. It's a festering piece of crap that seems DESIGNED to cater to the egos of the few at the expense of the many. How this festering turd got a badge in the "best of" section will forever bewilder me. Fact is, were it not incredibly frustrating due to the overabundance of bullies in the server, this game would have been immeasurably boring. It's a piece of crap either way. Shame on you Kongregate. Seriously.
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